The Book of Masks (Vol. 5)

Ex- Marks the Sore Spot

Previously: "Dates That Don't" 

"Sure, I can help you out with that," you tell Andrew. You gulp as you say it, and hate yourself for it, because you know it's a gulp of cowardice. "That's assuming we can get out of here," you add after surveying the parking lot, which is not only crowded with partiers, but also with incoming traffic.

* * * * *

It feels like it takes you half an hour to slowly nudge your way out of the parking lot, during which you send your mom a text telling her that you have to take a guy home and that you'll be along right after that. Andrew is busy on his own phone, at least until you are back onto the street, when he puts it away with a sigh.

"Can't ever text while I'm in a car," he grumbles in a tight, tired voice. "I get car sick."

"Me too," you reply, not because it's true but because it's something to say.

You sense him giving you a couple of sidelong looks before he says, "Thanks for doing this. I feel real bad taking you away from back there."

"Don't worry about it."

"I suppose you'll be hanging out there the rest of the night," he says after a moment's silence. "After you go back?"

"I haven't decided yet."

That earns you a few more sidelong looks before he speaks again.

"Well, it's real nice of you to do this for me," he says. "Especially if, like, you weren't sure if you were gonna stay or not."

You wipe a palm that is suddenly sweaty on your knee.

"I blew a real great chance back there," you say.

"Yeah?" he says.

"Never mind," you reply. For though a spirit of confession had suddenly taken you, you just as quickly realize how tactless it would be to tell him that you ditched a chance to get laid in order to do him this favor.

"That sucks," he says after a moment's pause. "Seems like chances don't come along that often. Though I guess you get lots of them." Then, after a silence, he says, "Sorry, that was an awful thing to say."

"No, what's so awful about it?" you ask. "It's, uh, kind of flattering, if you think I get so many chances I can afford to blow some."

"I mean, for what I was saying," he says. "Oh, forget it. I just mean— I was just pitying myself." He turns to stare out the passenger-side window.

You hesitate until you come to a stop at a red light, and even then you hesitate some more before saying, "If you wanna talk about it, I don't mind. I won't be grossed out if you want to talk about your ex-."

Andrew looks over at you, but you can't tell what his expression reads. Then he makes a small noise before turning away again. "You can tell me about yours first," he says.

"My ex-? There's nothing to say I didn't tell you. We went out over the summer, and then she broke up with me."

"But you thought she was the one."

"No!" you gasp. "I— I just thought— It was just a surprise, was all!"

"But she's the first one you thought you were really going out with."

"Sure."

"Okay. So it still wasn't your idea. To break up."

"No."

"Well, it wasn't my idea either."

He's silent for awhile still, staring out the passenger-side window, until he says, "He's in college now. He's at the college, I mean."

"Keyserling?" That's the local university.

"Yeah. He graduated last year. I thought— He said— Well, I thought we were still going to go out together. You know, that happens, with straight couples. One of them graduates but is still in town, and they still go out together. And so, like, the summer? It was the same as before. Until school started."

He sighs.

"And then he just said it felt weird. Like he was going out with a minor. Which I guess, technically he was. But he was all, like— I could tell something was wrong. He picked me up after school, this was like the first week of class, and he took me up to his dorm on campus, and—"

He catches himself.

"And we went out only two more times before he told me it felt weird and he thought we should break up. At least until I graduated." His voice falls into a mumble. "But I can tell we're not gonna get back together."

"Shit, I'm sorry about that," you say.

"Well, I guess it makes sense. Though it didn't make sense to me until tonight, really. I was— Well, I was looking at some of the guys out there, some of the younger guys," he says in a hurry, "and was thinking, What if I was graduated and they were still in school, would I feel right, um, picking them up after class. And then I was suddenly, like— Yeah, I can get why Terrence'd be kind of skeeved out."

You picture Andrew scoping out some of the guys at the Warehouse—particularly the kids who came with Patrick and Dean—and you get a little skeeved out yourself.

"Anyway, that's how come I decided to go. David was, like, you need to go out and meet someone. But after tonight— No. I mean, it would have to be someone the same year as me, you know?" He turns back toward you. "I can't go out with a junior! 'Cos then next year—"

"Yeah, I see what you mean." To your relief, the parking lot of Eastman High—which is where you're taking him—is now in view. "Well, shit," you add, so he won't think you're unsympathetic, "I don't know what to say. If there's no one at Eastman— Well, I know some guys at Westside— I mean of some guys at Westside, I don't know them—"

"Yeah, I know them too," Andrew says. "Yeah, no."

And since you are talking about the snotty and thoroughly unpleasant Charles Hartlein, and that is almost certainly who Andrew is talking about, you immediately feel a lot warmer toward him. To be truthful with yourself, you'd always pictured every gay person as being either like Charles or as really liking him, which—as Charles is an obnoxious, supercilious asshole—always left you feeling like you'd never like as a person anyone who was gay. But here's Andrew saying Yeah, no to the idea of Charles (or so you presume), and you feel so relieved that it almost gives you the warm fuzzies toward him.

But you're upon Eastman now, so there's no real time to say anything else. Andrew directs you to where he is parked and thanks you again. You tell him it was no problem, and that maybe you'll see him around again, then take off for home.

* * * * *

It was thirty minutes past your curfew that you got home, but since you had warned your mom and explained why you'd be late, you don't get in any trouble. You are more exhausted than usual the next morning, though, and church is an arduous chore to get through.

You'd expect to find a text from Caleb or Keith on your phone when you turn it back on after services let out, but the only one you've got is from Dean: Hey b up at squeezin freeze around 2 if u want stop in maybe do something later.

You're not really interested, and you ignore the text for the time being. But just after lunch you get a text from Andrew. Did Dean ask you to meet up this afternoon? Since this is a question and not an invitation, you reply that you did; then Andrew asks if you'll be going. While you are still trying to decide on a polite way of saying you won't, he follows with an explanation: He met a girl last night, they are meeting this afternoon and he wants company along as buffer. She might have friends too so big company not just for Dean.

This seems like a chance to get back on the horse that you jumped off of last night. But you are also feeling tired and more than a little stressed from last night. You feel like you'd like to stay in.

Perhaps Andrew senses, from your delay in replying, that you are undecided, for he sends another text: If you want to be casual about it all, plan is to hang out at SqueezN Freeze awhile, then maybe go on college campus.

Cool I'll think abt it, you reply. Then you toss your phone aside.

Two o'clock, is what Dean said in his text. It's twenty-five until two now, which doesn't leave a lot of time to get up there if you want to meet up right away. But Andrew indicated that they'd be at the juice place for awhile.

You waver.

If you went up there now, and walked around the neighborhood of the juice place, you'd have time both to decide whether to take the plunge and to meet them. But if you hang out here while waiting to decide, you will almost certainly miss them. On the first hand again, though, if you make the effort to go downtown, you might as well just go looking for them because you'll have basically decided to accept the invitation.

Bleurgh! you groan to yourself as you drop your head back onto your pillow and stare at the ceiling.

* Go meet these guys: "Double-Dates for a Double Date" 
* Stay in: "A Pain in the Acheson" 

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"Table of Contents (Vol. 5)" 
"The Book of Masks (Vol. 5)"