Perpetual Ruminations

The Waiting

Tom Petty said it best in his song, The Waiting, it is the hardest part.

I've mentioned I was having trouble swallowing food and went in to have it scoped. They found a tumor and did a biopsy, which indicated it's cancerous. I got that news four days ago and have been trying to process everything as well as making appointments for more scans, tests, and treatment options.

On Monday, I have a PET scan that will show whether the cancer is just in the esophagus or has spread. A week late,r I have another endoscopy with ultrasound to determine how thick the tumor is and what type of surgery will be performed. I also have to do a slew of blood tests and lab work, but have not received the dates for that yet.

Once the tests, scope, and labs are done, I'll meet with a radiologist, a surgeon, and a medical doctor to discuss what needs to be done for treatment. I know it's going to be rough, but the most difficult part is right now, knowing there's cancer, but not knowing how advanced or what's all affected.

As a result of not knowing, it's been difficult to get motivated to do much of anything. My anxieties are high, so I've been trying to keep busy, but not knowing how long I'll be in treatment or how it will impact my ability to do things, I find I don't want to start any projects.

I'm sharing this so everyone will know why I'm not very active right now, and likely will be inactive for an unknown time. I will log in and post updates. This will keep all of you informed, and I'm hoping by writing about this, I will be able to come to terms with it myself.