Toadette's Story: Book 2

Chapter 95 - Team Wario Takes Off

“Minh-Minh, if I have to hear you ask me that one more time, my head will literally explode.”

Minh had less than an hour to reach her six o’clock flight for Toad Town. Yet she refused to take a step out that mansion until Sofia gave her a satisfactory answer. The longer Minh held her ground, the deader Sofia appeared to the world.

“It’s not a complicated question,” Minh followed up. “I can dumb it down further.”

“Don’t patronise me. Of course I’ll use that money on Jazz.”

The optimist in Minh wanted to believe her on her word, but the realist side of her couldn’t suppress itself. Once she was back in Toad Town, she’d have no good way of confirming what was happening here in Poshley Heights. Jasmin’s reserved nature only worsened matters.

Minh looked Sofia in the eyes. “She needs this.”

“I know.” Sofia glanced at one of the many photos on the wall. In a golden frame stood a family of four: her, a six-year-old Jasmin and two older adults. “Should’ve never had to play out like this. That trial still doesn’t sit well with me.”

“You’re still on that? Sofi, a gas leak by irresponsible people leads to others dying, and then they try to cover it up. That’s about as logical as it gets.”

Sofia folded her arms. “Everything about the trial was so scripted.”

“It is kinda a lawyer’s job to coach their clients on what to say.”

“Minh-Minh…” Sofia formed a fist. She stopped herself before she could move. “Why does that worthless Toadette get to reunite with her mom, while I don’t get to see either of my parents? What kind of fate is that?”

“Hey! She’s not worthless.”

“She’s a bum. For the life of me, I’ll never understand what endeared you to such street trash.”

“Would it kill you to stop insulting my friends for once?” Minh’s face scrunched. “’Cause it ain’t like you’re swimming in dough when you’re living paycheque to paycheque.”

“Her disrespect is starting to rub off on you.”

“Is it her disrespect or is it yours? I can’t tell.”

Sofia punched the wall, making Minh defensive. Despite Sofia’s knuckles reddening, somehow her intense scowl turned itself into a relaxed expression—one of disappointment.

“You can be with a much better best friend, all I’m saying.”

And that mood switch was exactly why Minh worried about Jasmin staying here. From here Minh simply agreed with whatever Sofia would say. The less anger she drew out from her, the less she’d have to fear how things would be when she left. It took a couple minutes, but eventually Sofia had returned to her happier, bubblier self.

“I’ll see you later, Minh-Minh.” She kissed Minh. “Be safe, and most importantly, be smart.”

“Jazz, I’m leaving,” Minh called out, looking past Sofia.

Jasmin almost killed herself getting down the stairs. Before Minh could stop her, she was scooped up into a kiss.

And, as with previous times, Jasmin got a little too excited for her own good. She took hold of the sides of Minh’s face, forcing her tongue into her mouth. Minh let out a surprised gasp as the spit rocketed down her throat. Eleven uncomfortable seconds of tongue wrestling took place, then Minh finally pushed Jasmin off her, wiping her lips.

“How many times do I have to tell you to stop doing that?” Sofia asked, grabbing Jasmin by the hair. “She’s your cousin, not your girlfriend!”

Jasmin swallowed Minh’s spit in a single gulp, now slowly licking her lips. She flashed a big smile at her beloved cousin and waved.

“Please come back soon, Minh-Minh.”

“If there’s any problem, don’t hesitate to call me this time around.”

***

The icy winds of Diamond City clawed at Mona’s exposed skin as she cut through the streets. Snow wasn’t a blanket here like on the mainland Mushroom Kingdom; it was just a thin coat on the asphalt. Her only real warmth came from the stack of three pizza boxes strapped behind her.

She had spent two hours smiling and delivering fresh pizzas to the loving citizens of her home. While most jobs should’ve felt beneath a girl of her status, this was one she could do endlessly. The thrill was always rising as she ran red lights and sat on the cusp of attracting police attention.

That genuine smile disappeared the second she spotted her last target. There was a large, obnoxiously cheerful mushroom house nestled between the sharp and tall structures of Diamond City.

An eager Toad couple waved from the doorway. Behind them, two smaller kids bounced excitedly.

“Finally,” the woman sighed. “These two are absolutely famished.”

Mona rolled her eyes under her visor. “Yeah, whatever. Here.” She tossed two boxes towards the father. She shoved a third box on top. “Just take this one too. Lightens my load.”

“An extra? Oh, you’re a lifesaver.” The father beamed, handing her the coins. Then, before Mona could turn around, he stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her in a quick hug. Mona stiffened completely, her teeth gritting to the point of shattering as she felt his cap brush against her neck.

He pulled back, still grinning. “Thank you so much.”

Just as she was about to leave, the two Toad kids rushed forward. “Thank you, pizza lady!” they shouted together, hugging her around the thighs.

Mona froze. She could barely breathe. A wave of pure disgust flooded through her. She fought not to get violent, attempting to pull their surprisingly strong hands off her. Her fake smile started to look more like a grimace.

After shaking them off, she pulled back while trying to act relaxed. “Yeah, sure. Enjoy the pizza, sporeheads.”

She didn’t wait for anyone to react before jumping on her bike and peeling off.

The slushy streets felt far cleaner than the vile stickiness the Toads had left on her body. Mona navigated the grid, heading for the public basketball courts. She noticed that familiar car making noises near the sidewalk before she turned off her engine. Once parked, she strode towards it, the heavy thump of her boots shaking the concrete.

She peered through the car window. “Albums later, and the best you can do is this rust bucket?”

“Ain’t like I profit big off of ‘em.” The driver rolled the window down, holding up her middle finger. “Plus, all the expensive stuff is in automatic only.”

“Oh, right, you’re one of those shift stick freaks.”

“You gonna get in? Or should I just run you over and move on?”

“You’d have to deal with Wario afterwards, 13.”

13-Amp, with her plump lips, blew her silver hair out her eyes. In the back of her car sat two more people: a dude so large that it was incredible he could even fit in there, and then there was 9-Volt.

Mona frowned at the latter. “Still around?”

“Didn’t you lose the radar to the same mushroom girl?” he shot back.

“Zip it.” Mona strapped in. “You know, I’m certain 18 would’ve ripped her in half if he was there.”

“How awful could she have been to beat the tar out of both of you?” 18-Volt wondered.

“Whoever this girl is sounds like a pushover.” 13-Amp floored the gas pedal. “Everyone else better be ready for this.”

A trip that’d normally take twenty minutes was slashed to fourteen, thanks to 13-Amp’s aggressive pedal pumping. The rest of the crew would chuckle at seeing the horrified reactions of the other drivers; Mona took it a step further, sticking her head out the window and blowing raspberries.

Finally, with a screech of tyres, 13-Amp parallel parked outside a restaurant.

“Hold up, hold up.” She hopped out, pointing just past the entrance. “Yo! You eat all my food this time, I swear you’re gonna end up with my whole size 40 foot down your oesophagus!”

“My bad. You said you were dieting.” A boy with gravity-defying, spiky black hair and a blue karate gi hugged 13-Amp. “Even if I don’t see a single difference months later.”

“Rude for no reason!”

“I need those Cricket genes,” Mona snickered, opening the building’s door. “The ones that would let me eat a hundred dumplings every day and still fit into my amazing dresses.”

Stepping inside the crowded burger joint, Mona scanned the floor for familiar faces. They couldn’t possibly have been the first ones to arrive. And sure enough, she found her targets. At a large, funnel-shaped table sat the other members of this meeting. The ninja girls Kat and Ana, the citrus-scented scientist Penny and…

“I’m surprised the sporehead was able to come.”

“Just as I’m surprised you’re not half an hour late,” the mushroom woman retorted, adjusting her pigtails.

“At least the freak and the angel of darkness aren’t here. That simplifies things.”

After they all placed their orders, Mona got down to business: their goal was to get into Toad Town and snatch the two stars. Additionally Wario demanded that they rob for money, seeing as he wanted more to make up for the loss in constructing a new radar. Finally Waluigi requested to add a bit of chaos to the mix, something that would keep Peach and the people of the kingdom distracted.

“You think they’re so stupid that they’re gonna keep the stars in Toad Town?” 13-Amp interjected.

“Think of how often their princess is captured.” Mona nodded. “They’re there.”

“13 makes a good point,” 9-Volt said, munching noisily. “Those people Peach have going against us aren’t as dumb as her regular guards.”

“Why don’t we split into teams?” Kat proposed.

“Already ahead of you.” Mona licked her fingers. “Ooh, getting the green light to get chaotic is awesome. How many do you think we can kill in a day?”

Everybody stared at Mona blankly.

“Okay, okay, I know the Toadette girl is off limits,” Mona admitted. “But everyone else should be fair game.”

“The fat lady was nice,” Ana said. “Until she destroyed our lungs.”

“That blimp is why the radar is broken, and why my Virtual Boy is gone,” 9-Volt grumbled. “She’s expendable. Who’s gonna object?”

“I do.”

All eyes were now on the only non-human at the table.

Mona sucked her teeth. “Hmph. Your potato sack of a cousin is the reason we’re short two stars. I’m sure she’s sweet as honey, but she’s gotta go, family or not.”

“Try it.”

“Oh, I will.” Mona’s smile widened.

“Girls, please,” Penny chuckled, sweat bullets racing down her forehead. “I’m sure we could find a way to cause chaos that’s less violent.”

“All in favour of treating this like a purge, raise your hand,” Mona said, nearly tearing her arm out her socket. Upon seeing not a single hand go up, she grabbed a ketchup bottle and squeezed it while clenching her teeth. “You were literally just on my side, 9-Volt!”

“I mean, as a last resort. Just outright killing someone we’re stronger than is kind of…”

“What he says,” 18-Volt agreed. “And when all’s said and done, they haven’t tried to finish any of you dudes.”

Mona growled. “And you, 13? All those rhymes about living that hard life, and you can’t get some blood on your hands?” Just as she said that, she squirted ketchup all over her face.

“You don’t know what I can do.” 13-Amp looked away. “It’s just that the fat girl doesn’t sound like she’s worth focusing on.”

“Whatever, chubby bunny.” Mona glared at Sofia. “If that girl gets in the way of this—”

“I’ll handle her. As far as Toadette’s concerned, I’ll put her out of commission.”

“Which means in a hospital, because she’s still off limits! Damn!” Mona’s voice got so loud that she began to draw attention from normal people. Before she could let out a scream, somebody tapped her.

“Breathe,” Cricket advised. “Certainly we can grab the stars without casualties.”

“But… Ugh, I want action.” Mona set her legs on the table, revealing two sweat-drenched feet. She picked up some of Sofia’s fries with them. “Hit me with your best suggestions, people.”

The Wario crew’s discussion went on for over an hour. Mona had the easy job, simply leaning back and agreeing or disagreeing with people’s suggestions. All the while, she would taint everyone’s food with her feet. As if she needed any other sign that she was the boss here, at one point, she asked 9-Volt to pull a fry from between her toes. Not with his hands, though.

“For someone swimming in coins, your feet smell like crap,” he said while tugging the fry with his teeth.

“They smell like hard work, something you wouldn’t know, sitting in front of a game all day and peeing in bottles.”

9-Volt pouted. “Penny thought it was tasty.”

“Don’t make me vomit…”

“If I may interject,” Sofia groaned, appearing to fall asleep, “why exactly does Poshley Heights need to be a part of this plan?”

Mona wiggled her salty toes back onto Sofia’s half-eaten burger. “There was a Crystal Star hidden there for forever, meaning there’s totally a chance of Peach using it as a new hiding spot.”

“And if not,” 18-Volt added, “destroying a part of one of the richest places in this kingdom will leave an impact.”

“I’ve been to Mushroom City multiple times,” 13-Amp sighed, stretching. “If anyone should lead us out there, it’s me, you hear?”

“Then our targets are set,” Mona announced. “Me, Penny, Ana, Cricket and the mushroom will handle Toad Town. The rest of you are going to Mushroom City.”

“Wait. Then who has Poshley?” Kat asked.

“I’ll tell Wario and Waluigi that they should let the Scapellis handle that.” She grinned. “After all, clearly they have a knack for chaos.”

Everyone agreed, aside from Sofia. As they began to spill out the restaurant, she felt somebody grab her. She turned around to see Penny.

“I just want you to know that I won’t let anything bad happen to your cousin.” Penny got closer to Sofia. “You’ve nothing to worry about.”

“Thank you.” But inside, Sofia wasn’t concerned. After all, she would stop Mona if it came down to that.

***

20 January 2012

Even though the people of Diamond City were technically part of the Mushroom Kingdom, they still had to show passports and go through extra security checks whenever they wanted to visit different regions of the kingdom. Just as if they were travelling internationally. But today’s flight seemed different, and not in a good way.

“Why does airport check-in have to be so annoying now?” Kat asked, fidgety as they detained her for an overly extended pat-down.

“Inside voice,” Ana whispered. “If you make a scene, you’re gonna miss your flight altogether.”

Mona was speaking on her phone. “Things are weird here. I’ve never had so many obstacles just flying a plane.”

“You’re right,” a deep voice snarled on the other end. “After the Neon Heights fiasco, Peach demanded more precaution for any of our citizens.”

“That bitch…”

“Still, follow their instructions and just board your flights in time. Don’t let me down.”

“Oh, I won’t,” Mona moaned, making kissy noises. “Toad Town will look unrecognisable when we’ve left.”

When all eight of them got through the check-in, they didn’t even have time to wait at the gate. The flight to Mushroom City was to happen in ten minutes, and the flight to Decalburg was to happen in fifteen.

“Let’s get a move on,” 13-Amp said, snapping her fingers. “Kat, come on!”

Kat looked at her sister. “See you.”

“Stay safe.” Ana hugged her before heading off to join Mona, Penny and Cricket.

Upon boarding the Decalburg-bound plane, the four sat in their first-class seats. Mona took the window seat, with Penny squeezed beside her. Ana and Cricket were in front of each of them respectively.

Mona wasted no time in blending in with the average passenger. If not for the lengthy boarding process she endured, nobody would’ve suspected she was a citizen of Diamond City, but rather a wealthy traveller going back home. She whipped out a shiny magazine and buried herself in it, highly interested, for it concerned details about Toad Town’s pop culture.

Ana was content to look out the window, nothing suspicious for a child. However, there were two others who didn’t receive Mona’s instructions.

“May I have some peanuts?” Cricket asked the stewardess.

“Certainly, sir,” she replied.

The peanuts arrived and vanished in an instant. Cricket’s hand extended once more.

“Another, please.”

“Um… Just one more for now, sir.”

Another bag suffered the same fate. Cricket smiled. “Okay, okay. Maybe just another.”

Suddenly one of the cabin lights exploded, and the plane appeared to vibrate. Penny hopped to her feet and began a dash towards the cockpit.

“Miss, you’re not allowed up there!” the stewardess shouted. “Please return to your seat!”

“That’s not normal, right?” Penny asked. “I’m sure a little chat with the pilots will let me get to the bottom of this. I can fix it for free and— Ow!”

Mona pinched her ear. “Act normal.” She then glared at Cricket. “Same goes for you.”

With that, she leaned back in her seat and propped her bare feet between the seats in front of her, wiggling her sweat-soaked toes.

“Ew…” Ana mumbled, covering her nose.

“Don’t ‘ew’ me,” Mona retorted. “Matter of fact, Cricket, rub my feet.”

Cricket’s face scrunched up. “Rub your feet?”

“Yes, make yourself useful, please.”

He let out a sigh, leaning closer to Mona’s outstretched feet as the plane began to climb. When he hesitantly grabbed them, he was taken aback. The velvety texture of her skin amazed him, but that amazement quickly turned to revulsion when he noticed they were damp. They felt like two overly ripe mangos.

He began to massage them awkwardly, his hands moving clumsily. Instead of treating them like feet, he approached them as if he were moulding two lumps of clay for the first time.

“You can do better than that,” Mona whined, shifting in her seat. “Quit being a baby and really pamper my feet.”

Instantly Cricket squeezed the life out of her foot, causing her to drop her magazine. She retaliated by kicking him in the mouth, then she grabbed her own foot to blow on it.

“You did that on purpose,” she growled.

“You said to really pamper them,” he replied, looking around with an airheaded expression. “I put in all my effort.”

“From now on, put in medium effort. Jeez, you nearly gave me a heart attack.”

Ana raised a brow. Wait, this whole time, I thought Mona was the strongest of us. Isn’t that why she’s leading?

“If the mushroom were here, I’d have her doing this,” Mona sighed, flipping a page. “Those sporeheads are literally built to serve.”

“Please don’t start this again,” Penny whispered.

“Don’t get your panties in a bunch because I’m telling the truth. They’re braindead, they’re practically made of pudding, and there are too many of them. I’d say they belong right at our feet, especially with their heads being the perfect footstools.”

“Outside of that last thing, none of those claims can be supported.” Penny reached into a folder. “I could debunk them in less than a half hour.”

“Lemme guess: with one of your wordy academic papers?” Mona mockingly accused. She then patted Penny’s head. “I live by common sense, not by what a bunch of overeducated scientists—”

Mona’s words were cut short when she noticed that Cricket’s movements had stopped.

“Your feet smell so cheesy… Now I’m even hungrier,” he lamented.

“Cricket, you and food are gonna be the death of me, and we’re not even thirty minutes into this flight!” She spread her toes. “You hungry? Eat that hot cheddar between my toes.”

Penny covered her mouth to keep vomit from hitting the floor.

Cricket paused for a moment.

It’s just a foot… It’s just a foot…

He slid the tip of his tongue between two of Mona’s red-painted toes. He had to fight back his gag reflex as he felt the mixture of sweat and grime that had accumulated there. Once situated, he began to work his tongue between the digits, loosening up the so-called “cheddar” so that it could be chewed up and swallowed.

Ana cringed. “I couldn’t even… I thought I was gonna die when that Toad shoved her things in my face.”

Mona chuckled. “Nothing’s stopping you from getting revenge on her.”

She wriggled her foot deeper, sending some of the sludge flowing onto Cricket’s tongue. Each lick he took up her foot sent a satisfied chill down her spine. Yet while she lived like a spoiled princess, he could only grunt, his eyes widening in fear as he felt all five of her toes stuffing his mouth.

“This happens more when I wear sandals,” Mona said nonchalantly, beginning to ignore the other strangers on the flight. “All the dirt and moisture just get trapped between my toes, and I end up with a slimy, sticky toe jam snack.”

Penny gritted her teeth, desperately digging through her luggage for a bag.

“And you’re strong, Cricket,” Mona continued. “You don’t have to worry about my toe jam making you sick. Nah, only weaklings have to. Like my friends back in eighth grade…”

“Wait, what?” Ana looked back.

“Yeah, they called me a total bitch, because I ditched a concert to catch one of Wario’s speeches. Like, sorry not sorry if that made them mad.” Mona squeezed Cricket’s tongue between her toes. “So as a bitch, for the whole next month, I focused on spicing up their PB&J sandwiches with a secret ingredient.”

“Zip it, zip it, zip it, zip it, for the love of all that is holy,” Penny pleaded.

“My toe cheese. Or in scientific terms, my raw toe jam,” she giggled maliciously. “Oh yeah, they just ate it and got so sick they couldn’t attend any concerts for the rest of the semester. These are some well-worn sandals too, meaning they’ve gotta be adding extra flavour to my cheddar. With how thick yet buttery it comes out, it’s like sticking your tongue into some baked macaroni and cheese!”

And with that, Penny sprinted to the bathroom, knocking over everybody in the process.

“Perhaps I’m having too much fun.” Mona flipped another page. “Alright, low profile from here on out. But if you can get all this jam from between my toes, I’d really love that, Cricket.”

It wasn’t like he had a choice if he was so hungry.

As the plane reached its cruising altitude, the sounds of Penny retching filled the back of the plane, while the sounds of Cricket slurping and gulping filled the front. Mona was ready to relax for the next few hours while he made a meal of her toe jam.

***

The plane hit the runway of Decalburg Airport smoothly, with Cricket stirring from his post-feast daze. He tried to ignore how his mind was still reeling from the salty taste of Mona’s toe jam, but every grime crumb was seared into his brain.

He looked back at Mona, who was slipping her spit-covered feet back into her sandals.

“Let’s get to it,” she said.

After being screened once more in heavy detail—this one lasted nearly thirty minutes as they went through Mona’s luggage—they finally arrived at their temporary residence: a small house that a contact of Wario had arranged for them. A bit too cramped for Mona’s standards, but it would do.

“Why aren’t we just staying in Toad Town?” Ana asked. “It’d be easier.”

“Yeah, it’d be easier to get caught,” Mona said. “Plus, this is the closest safehouse Wario’s got set up.”

“It isn’t too far from Toad Town either,” Penny added.

Mona looked under the mat, picking up a rusted key. Before unlocking the door, she spun around and stared at her three allies.

“You aren’t gonna chicken out on me, are you?”

“Where else are we gonna go?” Cricket asked, shrugging.

“I really wanna impress Wario, so I’m gonna need some reassurance that you won’t screw this biz up for me.” Mona pointed to her sandalled feet. “Each of you kiss my big toe and promise me you’ll do whatever I need.”

Given how Cricket had already swallowed her toe jam, this task was simple enough. All he had to do was peck her big toe, and it was done. “I’m at your service.”

Ana hesitated. Yet seeing Cricket’s speediness ensured her that it wouldn’t be too awful. Another smooch out of the way. “You can count on me.”

That left Penny. She looked like she was going to faint. The mere thought of touching Mona’s toe, especially after hearing the slimy sounds of the cheese between those digits, made her stomach churn.

“You want out?” Mona asked, tapping her toes impatiently. Each smack was like torture to Penny’s ears. “What’s it gonna be, Penny?”

Penny took a deep breath, her focus shifting rapidly between Mona’s intense gaze and the plump toe before her. Trembling, she dropped to the ground, closed her eyes and pressed her lips to Mona’s toe.

It was a squeaky kiss, much wetter than she had expected. Mona deliberately pressed her toe hard against Penny’s delicate lips. Past them! Penny squealed, for the taste was indescribable. Whatever it was, it wasn’t clean. Her composure was breaking down at every microsecond.

“Say it, Penny.” Mona curled her toe. “Come on.”

“I will do whatever you need me to do on this mission, Mona… I promise.”

As soon as Mona stepped back, Penny fought hard to avoid spitting into the overgrown yard. It felt like a fungus was taking over her entire tongue, no matter how pedicured Mona’s toes were.

“Phew, glad we’ve got that taken care of,” Mona chuckled. With a look of satisfaction, she unlocked the door and took the first step into the home. “Alright, let’s get inside before those annoying sporeheads start complaining.”

----------

Author’s Note:
Too many in WarioWare love eating food. That has caused me deep distress in trying to make them more unique for this story. Next time we’ll check in on Toadette; she’s been out the spotlight for a while, hasn’t she? It’s also been a while since she had a makeover.