Life With A Werewolf

Down Memory Lane - Finale

          The trip back was as beautiful as the trip out. We took alternate routes, explored roadside diners in small towns. Occasionally, we stopped to snap photos of local hot spots and attractions. There was no lingering though on this leg of the trip. We just kept going forward, pushing ahead to get back home.
          Crash had changed. A lot of his jokes after the trip home became more personal, but less biting. There had been a weight lifted off his shoulders, which seemed to seep through his personality and into his smile. It was visible to both me and Elouise. The jokes were the fun kind. Those short jabs that flies over and makes you laugh despite being the butt of it. Being the only human there, I got more than most. Considering my ranting nature, I think I deserved it though in some way. Besides, I write the blog, so I literally get the last word. Ha, beat that, Crash!
          When we got home, it was a relief and a disappointment, the way all the best vacations are. We kind of all wanted to be away at least one more day, but was glad to be able to sleep in our own beds. It's amazing how, when you leave for vacation all you want to do is be gone, but when you're coming home all you want to do is sleep in your own bed, surrounded by your own things. Escaping from stress can be a stress all it's own, I suppose.
          The house did look beautiful on our corner as we pulled up that evening, I will admit that. Elouise hopped out first. She grabbed her bag, gave me a chaste hug. Then she walked over to Crash and gave him a peck on the cheek. "Thank you both for the nice time," she said. Then she twisted Crash's ear. "And that's for trying to murder someone on vacation."
          Crash winced and hollered. "Only almost, only almost!"
          She twisted it a bit then let him go. "Only almost, I swear." Looking at me she said, "Take care of this fur ball." And with that, she headed home. I'm not sure if it was in relief or sadness, I wouldn't be surprised with either.
          Everything was about wrapped up. Everything save for one detail. Valyur. I had made a promise to our resident lawn gnome. He watch the house, and I come see him after. There was a favor that I owed to him. I didn't forget.
          Of course I wanted to go talk to him almost immediately, get the scoop on what had actually happened while we were away. But, I had to wait, cause of course, your neighbors will never believe you for some reason if you tell them your lawn gnome is alive and talks to you. So, it was about midnight when I finally got the chance. Valyur met it with the same dignity and understanding he always does.
          He glanced at me, then sneered, "So, the meatie finally graces me with his presence."
          "I wanted to come earlier, but the neighbors just see crazy guy sitting in his flower bed talking to statues. I don't want to be chased by guys with butterfly nets."
          He gave me a look as if to ask 'what are you talking about?'.
          I just shrugged. "Nevermind."
          "There's more important things going on then your weirdo meatie shenanigans. Something's brewing, meatie. We have strange vehicles roaming around. Dangerous looking meaties about. All marked up. Got other meaties nervous."
          There was no reference in my brain for what he was talking about. A dangerous meatie to a lawn gnome is a kid with a baseball bat. So, I made the tragic mistake of blowing off his warning. It could have been exhaustion from the trip. Or subconsciously I knew what threat was coming and was ready for it. For there to be an ending to something that I technically hadn't started.
          So, I just nodded to Valyur. "The police or Crash can handle them, I'm sure."
          "Also, I want a wife."
          That part caught me off guard. "So, I just go to the store and buy a female lawn gnome?"
          He shook his head. "No! I want to meet them first. Romance them, get to know them better. You don't just up and marry someone out the gate, do ya?"
          Great. So now he wanted me to take him into the store so he could meet the lawn gnome first. Like what...wander up and down the isle with a lawn gnome hidden under my jacket? Walk him down the isle and tell the statue 'pick out a good one'? Stand them next to each other, so they could talk and flirt in the middle of the isle of the store?
          "So...am I taking you to the store or..."
          He gave me the confused look again. I thought he was going to slap me. "No! I don't want no meatie chaperoning me, ya creepy weirdo!"
          This was getting very strange. "So, why are you..."
          "I already got a woman. I just need ya to agree to let her stay here. To let us build something."
          Oh. That made a lot more sense, and thankfully didn't require me to smuggle lawn gnomes into Wal-Mart. I stood and patted him on the head. "Don't take over the entire yard, and don't turn us into lawn gnomes. But sure, knock yourself out. You earned it."
          As I went inside, for the first time since Valyur had taken this self imposed job of guardian, I saw him smile. It was nice to see. I hope whoever that ceramic nutjob picks is able to keep him in line. He does need someone to talk to on those long nights. He don't think we notice, but we all see he's lonely. It's part of the reason I go out and talk to him. Despite being the crazy guy sitting in his flower garden talking to a statue.
          The vacation, as disastrous as the trip home for Crash was, was much needed. Vacations are their own stress it's true. But, it's a different kind of stress. The pressures of deadlines, people keeping up with you, having to perform rigorous standing or sitting while waiting. Sometimes a job can be all the bad parts of a Disney world vacation, but without the fun of Space Mountain.
          All in all, I was grateful to Crash for taking us, for showing us around. And though, he never said it directly, I know he's grateful to us for stopping him. Though, we've all agreed: next time we're just going to see the grand canyon.