My Conversion Story Journal

October 5, 2025

Happy New Year! It is now the year 5786. I must admit that Rosh Hashana wasn't the best holiday that I have experienced. However, Yom Kippur was ten times better than I have ever experienced. One thing about Jewish holidays, they are long days. Yom Kippur was long, yes, but I had never felt so much hope in the Kol Nidrei prayer as I did this year. I have never felt so much closeness with Hashem as I did during the entire day of prayers. My feet didn't hurt at the end of the day (I did go shoeless most of the day, I admit. Good thing my feet didn't out-stink all the non-showered people). Close your eyes and picture all bright light around you and a comforting, warm, and hopeful presence in that bright white light. That is as close to the experience as I can get for Yom Kippur. There was a line that kept

My first Shabbat of the year was good. I lit candles at home and walked to a friend's house for dinner. This past Shabbat is the first Shabbat that I have truly missed since I can remember. My iron was so low that I couldn't stay awake even to pray. I would get up and pray a few lines and fall asleep as I was praying, so I would go back to bed. At 5:30pm, I was still on Blessings of the Shema. I woke up a few minutes after Shabbat ended. I forced myself to stand long enough to do Havdalah and went right back to sleep. I know that Hashem understands that I absolutely needed that rest (Shabbat is a day of rest), but I will never get that time back to have those intimate conversations with Hashem through prayer. That's one less day of conversations.

I know, as a parent, there were times that I forced my children to spend time in bed resting, because they needed it and didn't want to do it. As a very stubborn person who doesn't like to take a moment and rest myself, I understand that Hashem does the same thing with me (it's been a long time since I've had this low of iron). However, I miss my time with him. I will spend all week missing that.

This week is Sukkot. Eating in a hut is fun, cold at times, and a bit weird to be honest. However, I like Sukkot. It is one of those holidays that makes me feel a like kid who loved playhouses and treehouses. The fact that those are for a religious holiday just makes me feel like this is the holiday where Hashem sees me a little kid. With all of the weeks past where he was my king executing judgement, this week he is my father, watching me play and live and guiding me in the right direction with love and care and all good things. It ends with a celebration where we get to dance around and celebrate his guidance, love, and care, Simchat Torah. Best day of the year.

I still remember when I was lying in my bed calling out to G-d, saying, "G-d, G-d, Daddy, I need you!" And now, I started my first Jewish calendar year as a Jew. Recently, I called out to G-d again, saying, "G-d, G-d, Daddy, thank you!" I have never felt so whole and complete as I do now. Thank you Hashem.

I spent my first Simchat Torah in this shul on October 7, 2023. I saw the hopelessness and fear first hand and have lived with that in my face every day since. I have a lot to celebrate this year, and will be dancing in full celebration, but how much better would be if the hostages were all released by this Simchat Torah. Then, my adopted family will be able to be whole again someday. Thank you Hashem for all that you have done for me. I have perfect faith that now is the time. So today, I will call out again, "G-d, G-d, Daddy, I love you. Please, bring them home, please."

Tziporah Shiri