La Bene Vita

Dear Me 2018: Foreshadowing

I just stumbled across my 2018 "Dear Me" letter, and this jumped out at me:

"Every year, you pledge to do better, to do more, to be more efficient, to stop wasting time, to complete more tasks on the never-ending list. Every year, you find yourself more and more exhausted."

Hindsight is 20/20 (although my vision isn't and wasn't; I started needing readers 3 years earlier when I turned 40 in 2015.)

Here's what I know now, that I didn't know then: I had Parkinson's Disease. My first symptoms appeared in 2015, and I was (mis)diagnosed with Essential Tremor later in 2018. It wasn't until March of 2022 that I finally got the correct diagnosis (PD) and the miracle medication (carbidopa/levodopa) that gave me my functionality and my give-a-shit back.

I've always been an overachiever. I think I may also be a closet people-pleaser, which you can see in the letter. I think we're all people-pleasers of one type or another. Even narcissists and sociopaths need to convince other people to validate them, whether that's through adoration, vilification or or just to get others doing things for them (see also: minions).

I needed to see this letter today. I started revisiting the database project in 2024, and the website project earlier this year in 2025, and it's been weighing me down that I can't finish either one. This letter reminds me that, it doesn't matter. And I'm doing much better on the things that do matter. My relationships have improved dramatically since 2018.

So, Go Me? But also, more importantly, don't be so hard on yourself. You don't have to please everybody; only the people that matter. And if you're exhausted, listen to your body. You may not have PD, but exhaustion means you need to slow down.

"Dear Me"