trapped in a soap opera

stupid, stupid, stupid

$%()(*%^$*)*^)(^$*(*&*&&%$^&(*&^(*&^)
thats what i have to say about that. i had a long entry in here and some dumbass ended up getting me to look at his new profile pic i did so hed shut up and go away. forgot that it replaced this, didnt save GODDAMN SON OF A BITCH MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!!!!!

well summary cause i dont feel like writing it again.
i love perk--more than just friendship
realized it tonight
id fuck it up anyway
even if i did say it, its a moot point cause were goin our separate ways soon

god i wish i had someone to talk to, not online dammit a real person (ok i know you guys are real but you know what i mean i hope)
i wish i could tell him, i want to so much
i want to call him right now dammit.
this sucks
im sorry that i fucked up and ended up with this stupid entry oh well
just another in my line of fuckups

love bites

ok since i dont feel like writing it all down again, ill let someone else do it.....

*note after i got done--the lyrics do eventually end and i wrote some more at the end*

THE RIVER AND THE HIGHWAY


(Gerry House/Don Schlitz)

She follows the path of least resistance
She doesn`t care to see the mountain top
She twists and turns with no regard to distance
She never comes to a stop

And she rolls, she`s a river
Where she goes, time will tell
Heaven knows, he can`t go with her
And she rolls, all by herself
All by herself

He`s headed for a single destination
He doesn`t care what`s standing in his path
He`s a line between two points of separation
He ends just where it says to on the map

And he rolls, he`s a highway
Where he goes, time will tell
Heaven knows, she can`t go with him
And he rolls, all by himself
All by himself

And every now and then, he offers her a shoulder
And every now and then, she overflows
And every now and then, a bridge crosses over
It`s a moment that every lover knows

And she rolls (and he rolls)
She`s a river (he`s a highway)
Where she goes (where he goes)
Time will tell (Time will tell)
Heaven knows she can`t go with him (he can`t go with her)
And she rolls all by herself
And he rolls all by himself
Fare thee well

Blessid Union Of Souls Lyrics
" Forever For Tonight "


Could I be with you alone
I'm not sure where this will go
Cause we don't have the time we need
Just enough to make us bleed

Cause I'll be leaving soon
It's hard to say when I'll return
And I don't want to lead you on
So if you feel the need
Close your eyes abd share this dream
It will be eternity

Forever for tonight
I will be there to hold you through the night
Forever for tonight
I will love you forever for tonight
Forever for tonight

Al I look into your eyes
Feelings much too strong for us not to try
And if by chance we lose this fight
Darling we still have tonight

So when I'm far away
I will always be with you
You will never be alone
So if you feel the need
Take my hand and share this night
It will be eternity

See I've been broken down by empty promises
Like a sky without a star
And I've been having doubts that I could feel again
But I believe that I'm in love

I WOULD HAVE LOVED YOU ANYWAY (Trisha Yearwood)

If I'd've known the way that this would end
If I'd've read the last page first
If I'd've had the strength to walk away
If I'd've known how this would hurt

(Chorus:)
I would've loved you anyway
I'd do it all the same
Not a second I would change
Not a touch that I would trade
Had I known my heart would break
I'd've loved you anyway

It's bittersweet to look back now
At memories withered on the vine
Just to hold you close to me
For a moment in time

(Repeat chorus)

(Bridge:)
And, even if I'd seen it coming
You'd still've seen me running
Straight into your arms

ok ok so that was cheating but im sorry its all true--lyrics say what i cant. all of these are true. im so pissed that i lost what i had to say. but its 430 am and i have to get up and study so i have GOT to get to bed. maybe another time. the main thing is that while we were supposed to be studying tonight, i just couldnt stop looking at him, i just stared for about 10 min, and it was a moment of truth about how i really feel. quite contradictory considering my last entry, but thats just the fucked up part im so jaded that even if we tried, then id fuck it up. seems like i unintentionally try to sabotage anything good in my life cause im scared of it. anyway i really need to go to bed. alone.