Who do I still think I am??

This one's about the animal me, my first job, and the FOY.

30DBC PROMPT: "Okay... if you can be any kind of animal what would you be and why?", courtesy of 💙 Carly: poems & novel .

What's up y'all? Someday, I'm gonna write a blog entry that answers every prompt in just one sentence. Yeah, right. Imagine what today's response would look like if that were the case:

30DBC: A monkey, 'cuz they're cool.
BCF: Arby's.
BC: Yeah, as long as I knew now what I've learned from the past.

Boom, done. But then what would I do with the rest of my nights? Anyway, in case you're interested, here's an expanded version of my answers for today's prompts. Enjoy!

For the "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" , I would totally be a monkey. I have no factual or scientific purpose for this, other than yes, please!!   And seriously  .

I've probably intoned at some point in time that I'd either prefer to have a monkey as a pet or be a monkey. If I had to draw up a potential list for one category or the other, "monkey" would likely be at the top of both. And I won't even rehash the incredibly NSFW Dane Cook monkey joke  , which is hilarious but I've probably led you there too many times in the past.

However, the important question is the obligatory "why"? Monkeys are agile, clever, and slightly more sophisticated in certain areas than most other animals (although my last point might be up for debate). Monkeys are fun...who doesn't laugh or at least smile when they're watching something on TV and a monkey comes on? You know that's the cue to stay tuned for some good-natured hijinks...even if you, the rest of the audience, and everyone except the mark knows the monkey's about to get all next-level silly. They're born entertainers. I wouldn't mind that job.

BCF PROMPT: "What was your first job?"

And speaking of jobs, well, besides being a paperboy one summer (which, I think most teenage boys are at some point in their growing-up process), I actually started working when I was 15. Like a lot of kids, it was fast food. My aunt was a manager at the Arby's in the mall right by my house, so she got me the gig. Being 15, there wasn't a whole lot you could do because of labor laws besides run the cash register, fill drinks and put sandwiches and fries on trays or in bags.

But there was fun to be had as well. Occasionally we'd slap some mayo on a piece of cheese and fling it up to the ceiling just to see how long it'd stay there before the owner noticed (from what I heard, because the ceilings were pretty high in the mall, it was a bitch trying to clean up anything that was stuck up there). We had our little in-jokes that only the people we worked with would understand. And my Aunt Caca, she was no stranger to antics and pranks. The one I remember the most would be the diced green pepper trick...we had one sandwich that called for diced green peppers and onions, which came to us frozen in a big plastic bag in what looked like some kind of butter sauce or something. Anyway, she'd take a tiny piece of green pepper, stick it up her nose, and then call you in the back to go over your schedule or have some kind of serious work discussion with you...and right in the middle of that she'd stop, turn her head, and shoot the pepper out of her nose and onto the wall or the desk, as if it were a giant booger. And then she'd keep goin' like nothing happened. The first time I saw it (much like the first time I experienced any of her shenanigans) I didn't know what to think...I wanted to laugh, but she was also my boss, and while it was kinda gross I also didn't want to be disrespectful either, but once you saw the older kids trying to stifle their laughter, you started to learn what was really goin' on.

I did that for a year and a half or so, until I started to become more active in sports at school. I was definitely making less than $4/hr., maybe even $3.50 or $3.25...but the cool thing was everyone- even us part-time kids- got a bonus of $20 or $25 at Christmastime. I think that was the only job (at least the only one I can recall) that gave out bonuses to everyone for the holidays. Of course, that particular Arby's was owned by a local guy instead of a corporation or a group, and the money was coming outta his pocket; a nice gesture and one that you hardly see at all in this day and age.

MUSICAL BREAK!!

How odd it this? I know for quite awhile now Facebook has been tracking other sites you visit while you're logged in, for the purpose of showing you "relevant" advertising, but I'm not logged on Facebook when I'm writing entries usually. Today, while not on Facebook but writing an entry about monkeys, I open up YouTube, and the first video it recommends for me is this.

If I can't be a monkey, can I be a midget mime instead?

THE DAILY BOX SCORE:

"If there was a real fountain of youth but there is one catch: you don't know what age you will be once you have drank the water, would you still drink the water and take your chances? Tell us why or why not."

Yeah, I would...on the condition that I'd still know everything I've learned up until the point I've drank the water. I think doing something like that with no purpose other than just being young again is kinda foolish. If you could know you wouldn't be making the same mistakes all over again, it shouldn't matter what age you return to. What if you knew you could prevent an illness or a death, or could stop an abusive situation before it even began? Who would take the odds that drinking some magical water would give you a free pass from some of the bullshit you've had to endure once before, and who would be willing to want to go through it again, but this time knowing what lies ahead and being powerless to stop it? I say you've gotta know what you're getting into before you decide yay or nay, but if everything checks out, why not? And then, later on in your reset life when you come across the Fountain Of Youth again, you'll know to bring plenty of bottles with you so can fill 'em up and sell that potion on Ebay for mad loot, yo.

Here's a brief list   of famous monkeys, apes, gorillas, and similar animals. However, any list of this nature is suspect when it fails to include Magilla Gorilla, Marcel from Friends, the five little monkeys who were jumping on the bed, and Andre The Blog Monkey. I think we should expect Andre's name/legacy to surface on future Top 10 lists somewhere around or after 2058.

What do monkeys and coconuts have in common? If you've ever been in a car accident  , you probably know.

From the Department Of Unnecessary Censorship: I always find it funny when stupid, insignificant details are censored in clips you find on the internet...and it's even funnier when one word or phrase is censored in what is essentially 75-90% NSFW content. Like, if the word "doggy-style" should be blanked out of the Bloodhound Gang clip I posted earlier in this entry, well, there's probably worse things than that that fly unnoticed under a censor's radar on a daily basis, and if you're using "doggy-style" as a measuring stick of some kind as far as what's palatable to the majority of viewers, maybe a quarter of BHG's video should've been censored. After all, if people can get their panties all up in knots over two gay men kissing on live tv   in 2014 and launch ignorant tirades at the FCC, then how did "The Bad Touch" become a popular song fifteen (fifteen!!) years earlier?

A quick update regarding the "Note: So, I have this blog, right? It's called [Lin..." contest I've been running this week: it's, ummm, still going on. I'm right around 9,950 as of this evening, so we're slowly getting there...I didn't want anyone to think I'm welching on my end of the bargain or anything like that. Remember...we're up to the Major Shower from "Invalid Item"  for the winner.

Well, it's still a kinda quick entry (if you don't factor in the links and videos)...but let's just come to an understanding that I'll probably never write a true short, bang-bang-and-it's-over, say-my-answers-and-drop-the-mic sort of blog entry. I feel cheap and dirty and boring when I even think about it. Maybe it's worked out super for you, but I can't do it. And I won't. And yeah, I know there's a difference between "can't" and "won't" and I'm speaking from a hyperbolic place, but seriously science has a better chance of turning me into a monkey that knows how to make an Arby's roast beef sandwich than me turning in three sentences and calling it an entry. But if you've made it this far tonight, I do appreciate that. Time for me to see what everyone else is up to this evening. Peace, sweat baby sweat baby, and GOODNIGHT NOW!!