All four of my daughters were vets from the moment of birth. They were all born while I was on Active Duty, were born in Army hospitals, and bounced back and forth between the U.S. and West Germany with their mom and me (the eldest ones more than once).
Ouch. Too real for me today. I was homeless years ago and Montana has a high vet population struggling with personal issues. This literally could be today's headlines here.
My comment is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE POEM
The poem is a nice tribute to a military mother.
WHAT I LIKED
I can totally relate to this poem having served in the military myself. There are often times one worries and finds things to pass the time, but their loved one is never far from their hearts.
STRUCTURE
This is a villanelle. A villanelle is a highly structured poem with 5 tercets and ends with a quatrain. There are 2 repeating rythmes and 2 repeating refrains. The poem followed the structure. I thought the repeating refrains were very respectful and reverent. There's a nice rythme and flow when spoken outloud.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. Good use of WDC ML to increase font and make easier to read on the website.
DESCRIPTIONS
I liked: With steadfast devotion, she prays to relieve the anxiety" The description draws up a visual of a mother, prayerful, with a holy book, or a passage, heart on their sleeve, looking to find peace. It's a great description and taps into somber emotion well.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
The opening engages the reader. The title is a nice fit for the poem. Good luck in the Bard's Hall Contest.
Decades fly while having fun in writing community
engaging activities keep us all titillated
day and night, throughout global village, thanks to Storymaster.
Sijo, is the most popular and versatile of the Korean forms. It was originally chanted or sung with musical accompaniment. The word Sijo meant "music" but over time the definition was broadened to include the lyrics. The rhythm is formed by an ordered sequence of syllabic phrases.
Korean poetry can be found as far back as the 15th century. This is about the time the Korean scholars began using Korean characters rather than Chinese characters to write their poetry. The first were written by the "lettered class and women entertainers". But by the 2nd half of the 15th century it became the poetry of the commoners.
The elements of the Sijo are:
1. syllabic verse, although the phrase, not the syllable is the rhythm of the line. Total syllable count can vary from 44 to 46.
2. written in 3 units,
a. introduction to situation or problem,
b. development of situation (turn),
c. strong conclusion (twist)
3. commonly written in 3 or 6 line stanzas. (usually translations are written in 6 lines)
4. an interplay of the sound, rhythm and meaning is the core of the sijo.
5. written with any subject is permissible. It can be frank, humorous, and often satirical.
6. may use puns, metaphor and other figurative or rhetorical tools.
7. usually introduces an emphatic division in the last line in the form of a counter theme, paradox, resolution, judgment, command or exclamation shifting the poem to subjectivity.
8. when written in tercets, the 3 lines are made up of of
a. L1 & L2 written with 4 syllabic phrases (3-4, 3-4. ) 14 syllables. There is a minor pause at the end of the 2nd phrase and major pause at the end of the line.
b. L3 written in 4 syllabic phrase (3-6, 4-3) 16 syllables
9. when written in sixains, the 6 lines are made up of of:
a. L1 –L4 written in 2 syllabic phrases (3-4) 7 syllables, with a pause at the end of each line.
b. L5 written in 2 syllabic phrases (3-6) 9 syllables
c. L6 written in 2 syllabic phrases (4-3) 7 syllables.
Old Flame Flickered
Who could know we would meet now after decades traveled passed.
Old boyfriend, shopping a quote, walked right in, sat at my desk.
He said his name, fifty-nine years of change, he knew me not, but I knew.
~~Judi Van Gorder
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