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For the avoidance of doubt... Yes... I definitely have an opinion... |
 Welcome to my Blog!! Having an opinion is better than not having a thought of your own. I have many of both.... Pull up a pew and grab a hot, steaming mug of your choice. |
| Prompt: “One day you discover you are alive. Explosion! Concussion! Illumination! Delight! You laugh, you dance around, you shout. But, not long after, the sun goes out. Snow falls, but no one sees it, on an August noon.” ~ Ray Bradbury *** WARNING - THIS IS NOT A HAPPY POST One day everything is fine. The world is full of fun and laughter and light, and the next it's knocked off its axis. The whole ground, never mind the rug, is taken out from under you and you are left staring into space like a zombie. It's the same world, but it's grey. All of the colour has been leached out of it. The snow dampens the sounds around you, sucking the life out of everything until the silence makes your brain hurt and itch. So much so you want to scream. If people look closely, they can see you're breaking. It's written in your bones, your muscles, your tired eyes. It's in the way you stare into the void that now exists - because They are not here anymore, so how can life ever be the same. *** We had to put our family dog to sleep on Tuesday night. I don't think I've stopped crying since. I had to tuck our kids in bed and reassure them Indy would be back in the morning, while Guy headed of the emergency vets. We thought it would be a case of antibiotics, maybe a blood test. I didn't think I'd get a phone call just after ten to say we needed to make a decision... that decision. We knew it was coming at some point. She was 13year 7 months. A good innings for an Akita. And we had had her since she was 7 weeks old. But it wasn't / isn't long enough. I know it was never going to be enough. A friend came over to watch the kids as we stole away into the night and headed to the veterinarian hospital. We got to comfort her and say goodbye. She fell asleep with her head in my arms, while my heart broke into pieces. I felt it when she slipped away - when her heart stopped. I can't unfeel it. I don't think I even want to. We told the kids the next morning. They are young enough to process it in a way that doesn't swallow them whole - I'm kinda jealous. I don't have that luxury. I feel like I'm drowning in my grief. I'm reminded of our new reality every second I step into the house. When I look at the food bowl that I haven't yet cleared away or the treat she left on the side of it. The house is too damn quiet it's practically screaming at me. There is no yowling to be let out or grumbling because I won't share food. I don't have a second shadow anymore. I don't want to people at the moment. I just want to sink into my semi catatonic state while my brain recalibrates - it's how I process grief. I don't want hugs and "I'm so sorry for your loss". But it's all people know how to give when they see someone they care about break. And I am breaking. Spectacularly so. It's almost an art form. We had to organise her collection and cremation yesterday. Choose if we wanted a viewing beforehand. Choose the urn/vessel. I'm selfish. I don't want to spread her ashes. I want to keep her with me. She always was with me. I don't think I will settle until she's home. The cremation isn't until Aug and she won't come home for a few after that. It's the longest we will have ever been part. |
| Prompt - On this day in 1817, the English novelist Jane Austen, who wrote such classics as Sense and Sensibility (1811) and Pride and Prejudice (1813), died in Winchester, Hampshire, at age 41. Which novel famously opens with the line, “It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife”? Pride and Prejudice Fact or Fiction: Jane Austen agreed to marry someone but broke this agreement a day later. Fact - Harris Bigg-Wither (a brother of one of her friends) proposed in 1802. She initially accepted the proposal, but broke it off the next day, largely because despite the financial security it brought, she knew she didn't love him. Tom Lefroy, on the other hand, is rumoured to have been the inspiration into Mr Dacy.... But... it was never meant to be. Which of Jane Austen’s siblings helped publish two of her novels posthumously? Her brother Henry helped publish Northanger Abbey and Persuasion after her death. He is also the reason she is recognised and celebrated as an author as he included a biographical that identified her and listed all her published work. Which of Austen’s novels inspired the popular 1995 movie Clueless? Emma Don’t hate me, but I never really enjoyed reading Austin. Possibly because I had to read it in college. But I acknowledge she is one of the greats of English Literature. |
| Prompt: What are the best things in your life right now? *** HUSBAND | CHILDREN | DOG | BEARDARD DRAGON There is a lot going on in my life at the moment. There are a lot of waves to ride / currents to navigate. Some of it is just inconvenient - like having the car stolen and the whole process of getting the insurance to pay out, shopping for and buying a new car, organising new insurance etc... Or sorting tax out. Some of it is emotional - like family and friends being unwell and being too far away to feel like we are supporting them enough. It's meant less writing, and more insomnia induced reading in the am hours. In fact, I am semi-impressed I managed to actually blog fairly regularly - GO ME!! Though I have also been doom scrolling through Pinterest for "research purposes" - FUN TIMES!! My point is life is not going to plan. It appears to be having some type of temper tantrum like a raucous toddler. In all honesty, I just don't have the energy to deal with it, so in true mum fashion I'm just letting it scream until it cries itself to sleep. Hopefully it will wake up in a better mood at some point - and until it does there is tea and chocolate. The best things in my life are the things that help me weather this current storm - they are the same things that help me weather every storm - even when they are the main reason for the hurricanes. As cliche as it sounds, family and friends make it easier to deal with the crap life throws at me. Without doubt they are the best things in my life - however I have to manage their egos so they must never know.... joking... kinda... |
| Prompt: Has technology made your life better or worse? *** It depends on what you define as technology, because we’ve been in the technological age for a while. It’s difficult to argue against the benefits, especially in terms of electricity, the telephone, or the many medical advances. It’s definitely a double edge sword, especially in current society, but the benefits outweigh the negatives. However, that doesn’t negate the impact that online identity fraud, cyber bullying, and the plethora of mental health issues that come with a technology filled life, have on us as individuals and as a society. It’s not necessarily the technology itself; it’s the fact we rarely consider the ramifications of overuse or exposure until it’s too late. And often technology evolves quicker than other aspects of society can keep up – prime example is law. Technology has always been part of human existence, it’s how we evolved and how we will continue to evolve. It saturates our lives in so many ways. For me personally, technology allows me to work from home and to connect with colleagues and client on a global level. It also enables me to speak to my friends and family back in the UK. Let’s me buy and download new books at 02:00 am, as well as buy random Halloween props at the drop of a hat. It can be dangerous… mostly for my bank account. I have been known to drop a large amount of $$$ on a book haul – thank goodness for my husband’s overtime… Books are an expensive hobby… habit… addiction… There are apps for everything… music, food, book, and doctor's appointments. Technology makes life more convenient. But it can be hard to switch off sometimes and I think there are times technology takes away from us as a society. It can take the human out of humanity, especially with the advancement in AI – I’ve watched terminator waaay to many times, I’m with Sarah on this one! |
| Prompt: Sudden Changes - What would be a sudden change for you that could be acceptable? Do you handle changes well, and which kinds of sudden changes are you most able to face and work with? *** I don’t handle change well. That doesn’t mean I won’t accept it, it just means it may take me longer to be comfortable with it. I need time to process it. To mull over how the change will impact the different facets of my life. Once I have a plan in place for the change(s), I am fine. I’m a control-freak. It’s not my best mannerism or characteristic . It’s not control over anything/one else – it just relates to myself. I like order and routine – not to the point of OCD, but I function better when I have a plan. Changes to that plan have to be carefully processed and weighted so that I understand the logic behind them. I need time to do that. If I’m rushed or pushed into that position, I can react badly. Thank god I have enough self-awareness to keep my mouth shut or avoid human contact during those times. I don’t like the feeling of being coerced, or managed, or manipulated. And that is what it can feel like when I am pushed. When people keep pushing for acceptance or understanding of a change. I can usually spot it a mile of and then my stubborn streak comes out, which can be irrational…. on occasions… and I rebel and riot. My mother calls it “pure bloody mindedness”. I used to think I was spontaneous – I think I WANTED to be spontaneous. Largely, because I associated it with being happy and carefree. I am the opposite of spontaneous. I need plans, and lists, and lots of notice… I can be pragmatic when things are completely out of my control. Or when the change make sense, even if it’s uncomfortable. I mostly have challenges with people’s delivery methods. |
| Prompt: Your theme song. Which songs feel like theme songs for your life? Or if you were to create a song with a message for your life, what would it say? *** Bon Jovi – It’s My Life. Hands down. I’m not sure why, but it’s the one that immediately springs to mind. Bon Jovi was my favourite band growing up – funny as I think I was about five when Slippery When Wet came out… I think they are the band that most of my friends would associate with me (at least from my school years); them and Linkin Park (college and twenties). They were the first band I went to see. Jon… was my first celebrity crush – and I stand by it because that man is still gorgeous. Interestingly enough, “It’s My Life” is also the song I jumped out of a plane to. To me the song is about being honest and true to yourself; living your very best life and leaving few regrets. I can’t think of a bigger compliment than my loved ones standing at my passing and saying “She did it her way, and by the gods what a life it was.” I like every lyric in the song and they resonate with me: I do refuse to just be one of the crowd for the sake of an easy life. I do like to have a voice and to be heard. I don’t think tomorrow is guaranteed or that opportunities will come around that often, so it’s now or never. I do think that we have to live the life we want to live… because we only get one. I truly believe we make our own luck - as much as I love supernatural fiction, I’d rebel against anyone who tried to weave my fate – it’s mine, hands off! I’ve always found this song to be really empowering. Lyrics ▼ |
| Prompt: Writing Prompts - Is it easier for you to answer a writing prompt than come up with something on your own? And do you think writing prompts are helpful to you, and if you do, which kinds of writing prompts do you look for? *** I find writing prompts extremely helpful. They have helped me get in the habit of writing again. They are equally useful when I’m having writers block as they chip away at those internal walls, until I can break through. Just the process of writing – anything – gets my writing muscles working and loosens them up enough to get the creativity flowing again. It can be a hard and painful process. The results don’t have to be pretty or good. It’s the act itself that’s the key. It’s a bit like going to the gym or learning a language, I need to do it little and often until it becomes almost second nature. It’s why I started to blog again. Just the act of reading and considering the prompt and then responding helps my writer’s brain – without the stress of coming up with something to write about. It takes away that burden. I often find I end up bending the prompt to suit what’s on my mind or what I want to write about anyway… I think many people do - it's why we all write such different things using the same prompt. It's always fun to read other's perception and take on a prompt. It reminds me how colourful the world is with all our differences. They are also fun tool which allows me to push/stretch myself as a writer. To try a different genre or style. To just get my thoughts out of my head an on to paper/screen. All of which help me define what my voice actually is. |
| Prompt: Let's talk about naps. Do you take naps? Do you feel they're beneficial or not? When you do sleep does it have to be quiet or do the sounds of summer lull you into sleep? *** I don't sleep a lot. I suffer from insomnia, which is a blessing and a curse, as I get a lot of reading done when sane people are asleep. I'm generally very good at functioning on a few hours. I average about four to five hours a night, on a good night, and get to sleep somewhere around 02:00. Sometimes it pushes to 03:30. But then I'm up at around 06:30/07:00 and have a full day of kids and work. So, there is no napping either. Generally, it's manageable - I've only had to go to the doctors once for medical intervention and that was because it was affecting my memory and cognition. It was quite scary. I'd forget what I was saying during a conversation. I couldn't recall the way a room looked. There were big, missing, blank spaces that my brain wouldn't let me filter through - my brain hurt from trying. The medication got me back on track by knocking me out for a couple of hours. It wasn't good sleep. There was no dreaming. It was like falling into a dark void. But it was clearly what my brain and body needed to reset. I don't nap either. At least not very often. I can, when I'm ill, or if I have been on a weeklong stress/deadline driven stint - but that's more like a crash than a nap. I'm almost envious of people who can nap - like my husband. He can fall asleep quickly. In fairness, he works stupid shift patterns that change frequently and with little notice, so it's his body catching up with the sleep he needs. |
| Prompt: What is the most daring thing you have ever done? Write about this in your Blog entry today. *** I used to be an adrenaline junkie - sort of - I've been bungee jumping, and sky diving, rock climbing, and abseiling. All of which, I think, are fairly daring. The sky diving I did as a tandem, so I was strapped to someone's chest. There was little for me to control, I was just along for the ride... Fall... lol! A whole group of us went and the guys who "taught" us were ex-RAF paratroopers. You felt safe with them; useful when you are hanging outside of the plane door 10,000 feet up, strapped to some guys harness you have only known for about 3 hours. FUN TIMES!! I had so much fun, I wanted to do it again and again - but I didn't get around to it, and now that I have two kids, I have zero interest in throwing myself out of a perfectly good plane. For the bungee jumping I had to actually jump from the platform... by myself... I had to feel the weight of the cord around my ankles as I shuffled to the edge and curled my toes over it. I had to stand there looking out and down. There were butterflies rioting in my stomach - actually I think they were more like wasps or hornets. Maybe bats. They were way big and more frantic than butterflies. The guy in charge had an arm around my waist to secure me, so I didn't go too early. He instructed me to clasp my hands together and then dive off the platform. I kept bring my arms back in against my chest and laughing - nerves getting the better than me. My then-boyfriend and his cousin had gone first and there was NO WAY I was backing out... 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 and I dived. I remember the fall. Holding my breath. The relief when the cord went taut. The adrenaline that didn't dissipate until well after I'd been lowered and released on to the air/crash pad. That took more guts (insanity), at least in my opinion. The physical effect was more intense with the bungee as well; my insides were shaken about like a pop bottle, and I had the shakes for ages. I threw up about twenty minutes afterwards. The sky diving was very gentle in comparison. Serene. I'm glad I did them - but I wouldn't do them again. I don't think my joints would take it. Nowadays, the most daring I get is submitting my writing for others to see/read. I feel a sense of vulnerability each time I do it. Opening myself up for critique. But it's also thrilling, and I think I'm equally nervous and exited to hear feedback. |
| Prompt: Worms - “A man may fish with the worm that hath eat of a king, and eat of the fish that hath fed of that worm.” William Shakespeare. What do you think Shakespeare means here, and what do you think worms are for, especially the earthworms? *** This is a quote from Hamlet and, like most of Hamlet, is meant to be morbid and dark. The message is that death doesn’t care who you are, that it comes for everyone, and that even a king feeds the worms eventually. It also reminds us in a macabre way of our insignificance - in our death, life continues. Fun facts about worms you didn’t know you needed to know, but now you know – you are welcome: • They are an important part of the ecosystem as they turn scraps into nutrients and minerals in their stomach and poop them into the soil for the plants to use. • They have existed since before the dinosaurs with the oldest fossilised record being around 514 million years old and found in China. FYI dinos only go back 252 million years. • They have five hearts which they use to pump their cold blood around their system. • They do not have teeth or eyes, instead they have a muscular mouth and receptors under their skin. • The largest worm ever measured was 6.7 metres long... a Rapper Giant Earthworm was discovered in 1967 in South Africa measuring 6.7 m, which was well above the average 1.4 m. • A worm expert is called a vermiculturist. • There are 6000 different species, and they are found all over the world, except Antarctica. • Perhaps the most famous is the humble earthworm. |
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