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My journal about my conversion to Judaism. |
| I started writing my conversion story in June 2023, even though it started before then. It will not be in chronological order as I remember things from the past that brought me to this point in my life. My decision to convert was not an easy one. I grew up Pentecostal. I watched my grandma speak in tongues. My aunt played keyboard in the church band. I used to attend church (a member of a Baptist church for many years) 3 to 4 times a week. I did not start my journey of healing after my divorce and expect to end up here. However, my desire and work to grow closer to G-d has left me no doubt or question about where I am now. I have no hesitation in my conversion to Judaism. This is my story of leaving Christianity and becoming a part of a people that I will be able to, one day, proudly say that I am also. A Jew. |
| Mr. S came and koshered my kitchen on Sunday. He spent hours koshering the counters, stove, and different items. I spent the rest of the day washing out the fridge. My kitchen is now kosher, however, I have not gone to the mikvah yet. This means that I cannot use my kitchen until I go to the mikvah. I only have a few bottles of water in my fridge. I have nothing in my cupboards. I still need to line my kitchen cupboards, and plan on doing that this week. My mikvah date is Thursday B"H. My friend H who fed me today, will feed me tomorrow, studied with me and helped me learn through this entire process, asked me if I thought about all of the lasts that I am experiencing before being a Jew; the last Shabbos, the last Havdalah, the last Tehillim meeting, the last Monday, the last time that I will be me before being a new person. The truth is that I have not thought about it at all. I have thought about being able to cook and all the food being kosher even though I cooked it. I have thought about being called by my Hebrew name in shul. I've thought about the first Shabbos when I am a Jew. I thought about wearing a shield of David. I've thought about shaking the lulav and esrog. And mostly, I've thought about Simchat Torah and can't wait for that day as a Jew. I haven't thought about what I'm leaving behind, because I know what I'm gaining, and it is wonderful. Thank you Hashem. |
| Tomorrow, my kitchen will be koshered. I have almost no dishes and my cupboards and fridge are empty. I will not be able to use my kitchen until the mikvah. My friend B offered to let me use her kitchen and she would turn on the stove for me. I'm hoping that there isn't a long time between my kitchen being koshered and going to the mikvah. I will get tired of eating out, and imposing on others (even when offered) will get to be a burden for them and I'll feel bad. For some reason, I thought koshering my kitchen came after the mikvah, not that things have happened the way I thought they would. Life hasn't gone exactly (or at all) like I thought it would. My life is weird. G-d, I still trust you and love you. |
| I just want to say that I'm thankful that the Rabbi who smiles is still doing lessons with me. That's it for today. I'm just thankful. |
| I know it has been a couple weeks since I have updated my journey. Now that I am back and on the verge of going into the mikvah, there is so much work to do, on top of working (summer school) and still learning. I had a short freak out week when I returned from Utah. I'm not sure why, but I did. I quickly got over it, and started making a plan of what I needed to do to prepare for the mikvah. So much of my journey it seems is in my kitchen. I will be going to the mikvah soon, so I am working to prepare. I have been using my old dishes and just separated them to be meat, dairy, and parve for practice. Now, it is time to get new dishes and put them aside for when I go into the mikvah so they can be toiveled (put in the dish mikvah) before I use them. I need to wash out my cupboards, and then line them before putting the new dishes in them. Most of my cupboards are bare at the moment. I need to get rid of all of my open food, clean out my fridge and freezer, and clean it well with bleach. This means eating out or prepackaged food for the time that I don't use my fridge. I gave away all my opened foods that I couldn't finish before the mikvah, and am eating from what I have left. This can only last a couple more days before I need to finish cleaning the rest of the kitchen. I talked to the guy I'm renting from, and he told me what the countertops are made of and how they can be koshered. My Rabbi will be coming with someone to kosher my kitchen. My Rabbi is finding someone to make the mezuzah scrolls for my doorways. They will need to be put up as well. It's a busy summer, and I'm excited more and more each day for this next chapter in my life. |
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