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Random babblings of a confused miniature writer |
| A blog/journal just to babble/dabble in to try to keep my friends up to date on my pitiful existence. |
| It's sinking in. Went to a consult about what to expect during chemotherapy. It doesn't sound as terrible as what I thought it would be; but it comes close. I will be going through six three-week cycles. The first week will be one day of four to six hours of chemo. The other two weeks I will be meeting with a doctor or nurse's aide to see how I am doing. It sounds like making me as comfortable as possible as I go through this is top priority. I don't know how many times the nurse repeated for me to report any discomfort and what phone numbers to call. This is really going to happen. I am supposed to get a call on Friday telling me what time on Monday I am going to have the port put in. I am going to be having chemotherapy to shrink the massive carcinoma in my uterine area. The only thing that scares me now is that the chemo won't work. Either way I am having surgery afterwards. I hurt. I'm tired. I'm nauseous. I'm lightheaded. I don't want to do anything but lay around and sleep. |
| Catch up from Wednesday: I went and consulted with the local oncologist, Dr. Hanna. He went over Dr. Sakr's reasonings with me and that he was inclined to agree. I have to go have an echocardiogram to make sure my heart will handle the chemo, then have a port put in so the chemo doesn't damage my veins. I also have a consult with a nurse on the dos and don'ts of receiving chemo. That's all happening next week. I'm assuming the week after that I will start chemo.... They realized in the house today that I can't be doing all the crap they had assigned to me. Taking Prince out is a hazard with the steep, short back steps and the lightheadedness I've been having. So has standing outside or even just standing at the front door. Believe me I'm beginning to think I need a wheelchair. I'm debating if I might take my walker with me to my appointments next week. I'm just so tired all the time and weak. My back has been killing me. I have been throwing up for three days. My head is constantly swimming.. I just wish I knew what I could do for any of it. |
| On Monday, I spent 45 minutes waiting for a ride that was to take me to my appointment on Tuesday. Today I kept thinking it was Thursday. I don't want to know what the weekend is going to bring. This new OTC medicine I am taking is great with my pain and everything but it's been seriously screwing with my head. |
| HideyHo Neighbor! Went to a 2nd Opinion in in March which was basically a waste of time. The only reason we had asked for a 2nd opinion was because we wanted to see if I could see a Gynecologist Oncologist in Port Huron....... So I went back to see Sakr on the 8th. I discussed the options, and we agreed on Chemotherapy. I made it clear that I want that done in Port Huron. So I am going to see Dr. Hannah Youssef on the 16th @ 2:30. I need to make a call to see if I can get transportation. If not I can take the bus. This will just be our first meeting so I highly doubt there will be any treatment done that day. One step, one move, one small leap forward. Merry Meet and Blessed Be then Merry Meet again!  |
| On the 25th, I went to see my oncologist to get some answers. I got answers, but not all of what I wanted. I know definitively that I have cancer. It is a carcinoma that is rare and aggressive. A three inch mass is situated against my cervix and abutting my bladder wall. The last test I went through, a PET scan, on the 20th, showed about the only good news there has been: it hasn't spread. The doctor doesn't want to do surgery if we can help it. It would be an eight hour ordeal and they would have to remove my bladder along with a hysterectomy. The other alternative is chemo and radiation treatment, which when this all started I was dead set against. The only other thing I got asked lately is how do I want to proceed if the quality of my life is not going to be improved for any significant length of time. I said I would rather just be made comfortable live out what I have left. |
| D & T are now saying I should get a lawyer and sue CMH because my tumor didn't start growing until they took me off my vitamins. I have no idea what they're referring to. My room looks like a bomb went off. I can barely move around in here. A is supposed to help me with it tomorrow. I don't know where to begin. Hopefully it won't be more trouble than what it is worth. On the 20th I went for my PET test. It was more annoying than anything else. the whole test took two hours. I had to fast all day so I didn't take any of my meds. My nerves were completely on edge. I won't know any results until the 25th. Hopefully we are going to make some decisions on the next steps. I've got so much on my mind that I am trying to keep in order. They keep saying that they can't do anything about any of my other maladies until they know what my tumor is affecting. It's all crazy. I don't know what to do. I'm just taking one step at a time. That may be a slow way of doing things but what else can I do? |
| Still in pieces. Everything is overly sensitive so every touch hurts. my legs are spasming. Still having trouble walking. Waiting to go have this test to tell me exactly what is going on with me and what we can do about it. At least it won't be too long waiting for the results.... I don't know if I put it in here yet. The biopsy I had done came back positive for cancer. Some kind of cervical carcinoma. I itch constantly and my nerves arre on edge. I don't know what to do. I hate D having control of my meds. I don't know what I'm taking any more or what it is suppose to help. I think the worse thing about all this is I don't know what are my physical symptoms or what is mental or a side effect from mental meds. Things are so confusing. My head feels like it is swirling in a whirlpool. I'm spinning and drowning all at once. I don't want to write because it it seems like I'm writing about the same things. All I want to do is sleep. I don't want to feel. Something has to give somewhere. |
| Update: 3/11 Been hanging out at home. Can barely walk. It's been fun just getting to the bathroom and back. On top of that most of us have a terrible cough and full body aches. Just not good all the way around. Haven't been writing. D got on me yesterday about not journaling and keeping track of my appointments. That was mostly because I told him I was having trouble remembering who I saw when for what, My head is still swimming, more like drowning. I feel like I've been picked apart and just lumped back together. Hopefully things will get better. |
| yesterday, I went to my appointment with the Oncologist Gynecologist. They did a pap smear and took nips of the mass in my vagina. Said it looked suspiciously like cancer of the cervix. They also said that the mass was too big to do a hysterectomy. I don't know. The more they talked the more my head swam. it took five hours from when I left the house to when I came back. I was tired, hungry and definitely thirsty. I got home and all I wanted to do was curl up somewhere and cry. Ive got another test I've got to take, and I go back and see him again in three weeks.Everyone here at the house is telling me to tell those doctors to stick it, and find a doctor that is closer by When they first made this appointment, I tried to tell them I wasn't going all the way down there and they flagged my chart as refusing treatment. My head is swimming and spiinning I don't know what to do. |
| How I work with a prompt A hunter of supernatural beings finds a werewolf pup that is still sentient when in wolf form (which is a rare trait amongst the supernaturals of any species). The hunter raises the wolf and teaches it to hunt supernaturals. The trouble begins when the wolf meets another like itself; a sentient werewolf. Questions: What is the gender of the hunter? What is the gender of the wolf? What are their names? Are there other hunters? Will they meet them? Are the only supernaturals those that transform? Could there be a supernatural being that doesn't transform but is in constant "monster" state that is sentient? (ie a Zombie) is there sentient supernaturals who do/don't like what they are? Are there both good and evil supernaturals? there is usually a longer list of questions that turn into a list of "what ifs". Once I exhaust that line of thinking, I start writing notes and developing the characters, plot, theme, storyline, ect. Then I will try to do my least favorite part: writing an outline to the story. Just thought I would give you a peek into one of my crazy processes. |
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