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Well, to give you my honest opinion, let me start by saying this.   I like what I read.  You have a very good writing style, a clear voice, and I had no trouble following your story.    Now, I do feel that you could expand your chapter with more details. But here's something you should keep in mind. You can go back and add details later on. The most important thing I would tend to think is that you write each chapter, and then move on. Write each chapter and then at a later date, go back and add details to the chapters that you already wrote. I do that with my own stories. Many of my chapters tend to have the barebones of content, but my intention is to go back later and edit them to add more content and make things clearer to the reader. You have a good start, and I think you have potential. If you wish, I could show you some chapters of something that I'm currently writing. Also, if you wish to e-mail me your chapters, then I'll give you my feedback and opinions. I like the idea that you have, and I can understand the issue you are having. It took me many years to get Eternity Dawn to its current state, but once things started clicking, then I began to get things on paper and realized my story had potential. It's a hard road, but I'm willing to help. You have a good start, and I did enjoy what I read. My Merit Badges! ![Merit Badge in Judging
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Given through  [Link To Item #709323] , as he was nominated by  [Link To User sesamestreet] , who said: "He is a wonderful asset to the Writing.Com community, keeping us all updated with  [Link To Item #808422]  and also being very supportive and kind."
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 Thank you for all you do to help promote newbies and the newly promoted in,  [Link To Item #666552] ,  [Link To Item #822284] , and  [Link To Item #808422] . Also, thank you for honoring Moderators by creating  [Link To Item #846318] . Your portfolio is full of items that help others and bring many smiles. You are truly appreciated.
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Good job, Aaron!  You're doing great!  
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This Merit Badge is given for the outstanding review of  [Link To Item #811789] .](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/badges/general-Reviewing-2180.gif)  Check out these awesome items! New to Writing.com? Check this item out! 
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