Writing.Com General Discussion

So, in my current WIP, many of the chapters are journal entries written by the MC over ten years after the fact. A critique partner said these segments as I originally wrote them were too marked (as in, they were more like standard prose).

I'm having a hard time editing these sections into a state that I like and was wondering if anyone had any advice or could post a link to an article that teaches how to write compelling scenes in this style. Thanks :)