You don't like to think of yourself as a little girl, but that's just how you scream.
You hear Mom's footsteps coming to the bathroom door. "What's the matter, Jane?"
She opens the door, and sees you in all your glory. "Oh my God!"
After you rinse and dry yourself off, you calm down a little. You put on your bathrobe, and make sure it's cinched tight, lest your new appendage go on display. You head into the living room, and find Mom on the couch, the phone in her hands. "Who'd you call?"
"Work," she says. She motions for you to sit next to her.
As you sit, she begins speaking. "That stuff that got poured onto you was a new formula, still in R&D. It's for men who want to be... bigger down there."
"I guess it works, huh?"
Mom reaches out and hugs you. "Oh, baby," Mom says, tears in her eyes, "what are we going to do?"
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