This choice: Go toward the conjunction • Go Back...Chapter #55The Field of Arbol by: Seuzz   A great field of light spreads before and around and behind you, and whatever its source, it is lost in the blaze. Within that field you see all the other worlds, and now you know their names: Perelandra, Viritrilbia, Malacandra, Catilindria, Eldibria, Kenadandra, and Lurga. You sense your own name, too: Sulva. You don't wonder about the absence of the Earth from this pantheon. It is so obvious, now. You are on the Earth, and all this is upon the Earth as well. But this great splendor, this vast infinitude of power, is only a shadow resting upon the surface of your own world. It is but the faintest breath of the real splendors and powers above.
Within the great field of light is another, and as you draw closer you feel yourself sinking in awe beneath it. But it has no heaviness and no terror. On the contrary, it's approach is like a trumpet shout of welcome and joy. You are only abashed to be in its presence, and you bend--without resentment, only a happy humility--at your presentation to Glundandra: the King of the Planets. To kneel before him is an exaltation above all terrestrial powers.
And you feel a touch at your heart as you bow (without any kind of self-consciousness), as though the smallest glimmer of a great scepter has passed over you. You feel its awareness. Alone of the planets, this one has an eye. It is not the gross, stormy eye that fascinates astronomers, but a kingly eye, grave but happy--and even with a twinkle of mischief. With a rush, you feel yourself lifted high and placed in a great company. The golden field of Arbol that illumines the planets is like a great court, where all is feasting and dancing and labor all at once. The song of Viritrilbia, pulsing with the power of Kenadandra, the creativity of Perelandra and the raucous energy of Catilindria, drawing on the depths of Eldibria and the discipline of Malacandra, ever rejuvenating in Lurga, rejoicing in the benevolent presence of Glundandra.
And yourself? You are a mirror multiplying panorama and detail to infinity.
It never stops, and you never tire, and though it fades and vanishes, still there is never a moment afterward, in waking life or in dream, that you do not think you will not hear or feel it all again, should a leaf only turn this way rather than that in the breath of the wind.
* * * * *
You lie in bed for a very long time after you wake, and even after all feeling of sleepiness has left you. You don't remember getting back into bed after your meditative experience last night, and you don't remember any dreams. You don't write down your vision. Words and sigils won't be able to convey it, except in its bare outline: "I saw the planets, and I was the Moon," and that will be enough for Kali, you are sure. Though the concrete emotions--which felt real enough at the time--have since faded into only a vanishing echo of exaltation, you doubt you will ever forget them.
When you do get up, you shower (as Kali had requested) but carry out the routine without any sense of shame or self-consciousness. This thing is only a body, and if it happens to exactly resemble that of Miko Toyotomi, it is still yours. And to hell with Miko if she's going to have a problem with it: You're doing nothing with this body that her own twin sister (if she had one) wouldn't be doing with her own. Afterward, you dress back in your pajamas, put on the bathrobe, and sit on the sofa with one of Kali's books on interior design, to wait for her and Miko to get back.
It's a little after twelve when you hear the key in the lock. Kali stops in the doorway and gives you a small smile, then steps quietly in. You look back directly at her, and then look directly at Miko. Your unwilling double blanches a little, and gets a pinched look. She bites her lips, and then without looking you in the eye marches over to the sofa. "Welcome to the club," she says stiffly, then bends over and kisses you on both cheeks.
Your surprise at this greeting is nothing compared to what happens next, when she suddenly shouts, "Oh, why am I being such a cunt about it? As long as you're looking like this, let's have some fun with it!" She hauls you to your feet, takes you by the hand, and runs--with you stumbling behind--into her bedroom.
* * * * *
It's nearly an hour before you emerge again, arms tucked in each others'. She is giggling, but you're feeling shy. You're both dressed in dark, knee-length skirts (but with a slit up the side!) and black silk tops, and in red stiletto heels. It's a joint look she had settled on for the two of you only after putting you into and pulling you out of almost everything else she had packed, and only after hitting on the idea of using the duplicate clothes for the duplicate Mikos. She'd then done your nails and spent an ungodly amount of time brushing and combing your hair--though it isn't long--and cooing that it was so much more satisfying to have a model of herself to work on than struggling to get herself done up in a mirror. You still have on the silver necklace she'd given you. But otherwise you are as identical as she could contrive.
You had let her do this work, and had done your best to enter into her suddenly playful spirit. But you had still flinched a little when you'd seen her reflection next to yours in the mirror.
In the kitchen, Kali turns at the sound of your entrance, and her eyes narrow even as they twinkle. "Miko," she sighs with a playful exasperation, and looks between the double apparition. "Sure, and it's all fun and games, until it's time to meet the client and I take the wrong one with me."
"I know, I'm sorry, Kali," Miko says in a dopey-sounding drawl, and it takes you a moment to realize she's trying to imitate you. "It was Miko's idea."
"I don't sound like that," you mumble, and turn a little red. "Do I?"
"She's pitch perfect, child," Kali says. "If this unfortunate impersonation has one fortunate consequence, it will be if we can finally squeeze that whine out of you."
"I whine?" you whine.
"Almost as bad as Frank did when he first came to me."
"Frank whined?" That's an image that does not fit.
"Whined. Kicked. Pouted. He was very young, though, so he had an excuse." She turns back to the counter and starts pulling containers out of some plastic sacks. "I ordered in from the deli--I had no notion how long you girls would be--and it's only pasta and sandwiches. A light lunch. We will go out tonight, for a more celebratory supper."
"What's the occasion?" you ask.
Kali turns again, sharply, and looks at Miko. "Didn't you tell him?"
"Oh, I didn't want to talk business," she says, and drops into a chair. She pats the one next to her, and you join her. "We were having fun. Besides, I thought I did when we came in through the door."
"Told me what?"
"Charles called, early this morning," Kali says. "For lack of a better phrase, let us just say that your application for membership has been approved. You are only an apprentice, but you are now a member of a very old and prestigious order. The Stellae Errantes."
"My application?" you ask, dumbfounded. "When did I apply? I mean, not that I don't want to, but--"
Kali cocks an eyebrow. "But Charles told me you applied last night. In person, no less."
Your jaw drops.
"Is there something you need to tell us?" Kali asks.
You take a breath so deep you almost fall out of the chair. "I dreamed last night-- No, actually, I meditated again. Maybe it turned into a dream at some point." You look between Kali and Miko. There's nothing else to say: "I saw the planets. And I was the Moon."
They stare at you, then slowly turn to look at each other, and then slowly turn back to look at you. "That would count as an application, child," Kali says.
"And ... Charles? That's Frank and Joe's dad?" you ask. Miko shrugs. "He's--? How would he know?"
"He's the head of the order. He would know."
* * * * *
The celebratory mood doesn't preclude any actual work being done, though to your disappointment it's mundane work: Those school books Kali had threatened arrived while you were still asleep, and the afternoon is taking up with her and Miko planning out a very high school-ish curriculum of boring subjects for you, and they even set you to work on math problems. At six o'clock, though, you leave for dinner, eating at a very posh and trendy restaurant whose menu prices leave you gasping. (But they tell you to get whatever you want, which doesn't stop you from ordering one of the cheaper meals.) You remark on how nice it is to be out of the apartment; Miko says you're free to leave whenever you want, so long as you don't mind being flirted with on the streets.
Then it's back to the apartment. You'd like to call Joe to tell him the news, but you're very shy about speaking to him in Miko's voice; the news is too good for you to want to spoil it with an account of the previous days' disaster. So you send an email (from a new account) instead, outlining the bare facts.
The reply comes only ten minutes later: "Whoop! Whoop! Whoop! You're gonna come out and help me, right?! Partners?! Call me when you get a chance!"
You might as well tell him "No." It would be weird. But you wouldn't mind seeing him again. Maybe you could talk to Kali about it. Maybe just a visit?   indicates the next chapter needs to be written. |
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