My name is Willow Bovine. I am a 150ft tall African buffalo with a 300ft wide belly, 200ft wide butt and breasts that would be F cups if I was human-sized. I also have an udder as big as my head, which is why I can only ever wear a skirt. I’m kind of a Goth girl and I dyed my hair white. It’s one of many ways in which I’m rebelling against the world that seems to have a problem with me. You’ll have to excuse me. I’m the youngest of 7 sisters and the rest of them make me sick boasting about their success in life. They make me nauseous and my folks don’t help the situation. Life’s hard enough without all the pressure.
My school has never been that inviting to me either. My classmates were so obnoxious, it’s a wonder they were still alive and the teachers were basically what happens when school bullies never leave the school. All in all, the place was terrible. One art teaching in particular was so narrow-minded with her discouraging of creativity and her “weird-shaming” that it made me wish I could just push her in front of the path of a meteor. I was really glad to have made it to graduation without losing my sanity.
But then the peace treaty was signed and I found myself given the chance to attend a college to mix in with humans. I would’ve turned it down but my folks bullied me into signing up. Like they’re ones to talk. Those two have made a living out of selling what doesn’t exist or what isn’t as valuable as they claim it to be. They made a fortune off of lies and trickery. There’s no way I’m going to be what they want me to be. Just a sixth clone. No thanks.
The human college is hardly any better. I got stuck in one with incompetent academic advisors and a bunch of drug-addled morons who make me wonder how they even made it to college. Some idiot cheerleaders led by one particular cretin named Francesca are always on my case. Apparently they see a giant buffalo goth girl as an object of ridicule. But don’t get me wrong. I happen to like cheerleaders and those cheerleaders make good q-tips for my belly button.
Well, better get to bed. I have a class tomorrow that I am so not looking forward to.
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