"Damn it, Skull, don't you THINK?!" Morgana shouted at his blonde teammate. "If we leave the couch to look for the others, they won't know where to find US!"
"What if they're in trouble?!" Ryuji countered. "I ain't not savin' them just because you're too much of a chicken shit to do nothin'!"
"That was a triple negative! And I am NOT a chicken shit!"
"Oh, what, you gonna quit the team in a huff again?!"
"You gonna be an IDIOT again?!"
"Thin-skinned furball!"
"Loudmouth ignoramous!"
Akira and the others had finished climbing Kawakami's skirt and reached the seat of the couch, and were now watching the argument, the former track star and cat being too absorbed in each other's vitriol to notice them. Akira groaned and massaged his temples. This was an unpleasant evening. The only teacher from his school that he liked was hundreds of times their size and a danger to them all. Ann had almost willfully interpreted Kawakami's presence in his room in the worst way possible and lost all respect for him. Yusuke was disappearing further into his artistic pretension than usual, and Futaba was incessantly quoting American movies from the eighties to mask her fear. Now he had to deal with this.
Why couldn't Haru and Makoto have been on the couch? They would be voices of reason right now.
---
Haru and Makoto watched as the giant teacher maid relaxed on the couch.
"So we're agreed," Makoto said. "We wait until we're all safe, and then we interrogate Akira about hiring his teacher as a maid using a good cop, bad cop routine."
"Oh, can I be bad cop, Mako-chan?" Haru asked, jumping up and down. "I would very much like to be bad cop!"
"I don't think that would be efficient, Haru-chan. You're the sweetest, most inoffensive person I've met, whereas I am student council president and learned interrogation techniques from watching my sister."
"I have a giant ax."
"Congratulations, Haru-chan, you get to be bad cop."
---
Kawakami had just given up on waiting for a reply from Akira and started surfing the web on her phone when she heard an irregular, high pitched whining sound. She looked around trying to place the source until her eyes fell on the seat next to her on the couch. She squinted. She thought she saw five little dots moving. She leaned in for a closer look.
---
"...and that's the seventh reason the Phantom Thieves should have benched you in May, you bleached-blond asshole!"
"MORGANA! RYUJI! THAT'S ENOUGH!"
The two arguing teammates turned to see their leader glaring at them, as well as most of the rest of the team either glaring at Akira, looking up at the maid in fear, or staring at his surroundings in a sense of artistic wonderment respectively.
"Oh, hey, guys!" Ryuji said cheerfully, his anger instantly forgotten. "Yusuke, glad you're alive man."
"Thank you, Ryuji," Yusuke said sincerely.
"See, fleabag?" Ryuji scoffed. "Told you we should've waited."
"I WILL POOP IN YOUR SHOES!"
"Yes, Morgana, that's really helping convince us you're not a cat," Akira quipped. "Alright, guys. Here's the plan."
"Um... Akira?" Futaba said nervously.
"We climbed up Kawakami this far," Akira said, not hearing Futaba. "It should be easy enough to climb up the rest of the way and reach her ear."
"Oh yeah, 'cause THAT'S not perverted at all," Ann scoffed. "Sure you don't want to stop and play in her cleavage while we're at it?"
"Ann, are you REALLY doing this right now?!"
"Guys, she's looking at us..."
"Our best chance is to reach her ear. If you can come up with a better way to do it, be my guest!"
"She's looking at us and she don't look happy!"
"Ah, such an expression of scorn! Truly, this would be magnificent to capture in a painting!"
"Oh, I'm sorry Akira, it's just that this really stand-up guy I thought I knew hired his TEACHER to come to his room in a SCANTY MAID OUTFIT!"
"Well, well, well~" a voice boomed from above. "What do we have here?"
The gang ceased their bickering, and looked up to see Kawakami staring right at them, a wicked smirk on her lips and murder in her eyes.
"You must be the little fleas my master warned me about," Kawakami said, raising her hand and preparing to swat them. "Looks like my break's over..."
"RUN!" Akira yelled as Kawakami's giant hand hurtled towards them at an impossible speed.
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