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You realize that, although masculinity and femininity are illusory, your ideas of them are flawed.
Are you a Man? Were you born as one? A Man is a social role, a performance, a mask you wear. Are you a Man when you're at home? When you wake up in the morning? On the drive to work? What is it to be cis? What role makes you comfortable?
You realize with a start that the role assigned to you based on your biology is wrong. It is hurtful. It does not and cannot correspond to the way you feel, the person you are. Perhaps it's always been that way, perhaps it's something you became, but in that moment it is your Truth.
Equally true is the torrent of thick, bitter bender bits now adding to the little brown fleck stuck in your teeth. You try to ask her to stop so you can revel in this personal understanding but she can't hear you over the sheer volume of smelly butt flow.
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