You can’t believe your ears. While you do feel sorry for the way the poor woman was treated by her ex husband, you didn’t want to be her shrunken pet.
“What? So I’m your little pet?” You say, plucking up courage.
“Exactly!” says Kelly happily, as she continues to pet you.
“But I’m not a pet! I’m a human being!” You say indignantly.
“A little human.” Corrects Kelly. “And little people need to be taken care of by big people.”
“But I’m not little by choice! This woman named Jen shrunk me down and sold me as a pet and..”
“I know honey, I know all about Jen’s little operation” giggles Kelly, amused at her own joke.
“What?” you say surprised.
“You see, I met her in the beauty salon and we got to talking about my divorce. She told me that I could use a companion and made this whole sales pitch about how she sells tiny men be it for a handsome price and they make the perfect little pets that’ll last a lifetime. And since I have plenty of money from my job and my divorce settlement I figured: why spend money on a dog or cat that’ll only live 14-15 years when I can buy a cute tiny man to have for the rest of my life?” Explains Kelly.
You sit in your new owner’s palm completely flabbergasted by what you’re hearing.
“Anyways, Jen didn’t have anything I wanted for weeks until today. From the moment I saw you, I thought you were just the most adorable little thing I’d ever seen! So shy yet so cute and handsome. I knew I had to have you for my own and now here we are.” smiles Kelly.
“But you can’t do this! I have my own life!” you protest.
“Look, the fact is you’re tiny and that’s the way it’s going to stay. Don’t worry though, I will take really good care of you. But like every pet, you will need to obey your owner. First and most important rule. You will address me as ‘mommy’ or ‘mama’”
Your heart sinks. You’ve never felt more humiliated in your life. She’s talking to you as if you a small child and a puppy at the same time. As Kelly reaches into her pocket you get butterflies in your stomach. She pulls out one of the collars she bought from Jen.
“Now, I’d like you to put this on. Every pet needs a nice collar. Plus it’ll allow me to put a leash on you if I take you to work or something. Plus it’ll cement your new role in life as momma’s cute little boy” says Kelly, trying to be serious.
You can’t believe it. The last thing thing you want to do is put on that collar. Then again, you know it probably wouldn’t end well if you refused.
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