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 Review #3831890 |
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| (4.0)  [Overall Impression] A interesting story about a man bringing home the heads of mannequins.  [Spelling Errors/Grammar] I found a few areas that needs to be looked at: Its eyes were open and mouth was open, frozen in a scream. It could be re-written like this: Its eyes and mouth were mouth were open, frozen in a scream. I found this line also needed an addition to it: Drew walked over to a wall, covered in head. Could be re-written like this: Drew walked over to his a wall, covered in heads.  [Suggestions] My suggestion would be to go over the story again and see if you can still make your word count given the corrected words.  [Favorite line]He couldn’t wait until he brought a new friend home. Drew didn’t realize all the heads looked like him. I chose this line because it totally took me by surprise. [Ending Thoughts] Your character Drew comes off as mysterious until the very end which I must applaud you on because I wasn't expecting that twist. Although, I found a few places that needed some work I still found your piece to be interesting. I have written for a few contests like this in the past, and found when in a pinch you can't find all the mistakes or words that could be in place of others. I think you have a solid winner here, and hope that you do win, or have won. Write On!   My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 04/07/2013 @ 5:05pm EDT