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 Review #4470604 |
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| (4.0)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"   HI Cissy! I am here with a review to celebrate you!   Your title suggested the topic in a direct way and I think it is effective for a love poem. I enjoyed reading the rhyming couplets aloud and they are the perfect form for the romantic theme. The rhyme was consistent though I notice the syllable rhythm is not even in each couplet. I really hear the gratitude in the voice and the detail of what your man means to you makes a clear picture. The idea that he won't even leave for wealth well illustrates his love. Good choice of example.  One glitch through me out a bit:The first verse begins with "As" and yet has nothing to complete the phrase. I wonder if you dropped the word "and" in the first line, it would sound more like a complete thought when read aloud. IT would flow better too. Some minor notices:In verse three, I wanted to drop the "to" after "try" as it feels redundant. Also drop the comma. I see you began with capital letters on the first verses and then dropped them in the others. I think consistency in punctuation would work better.  This is a lovely tribute to your relationship and how you are receiving it as a gift. Your faith and love shines through your wonderful weave. How blessed you are indeed. Thanks for sharing your vision. Light on the path as you write on!! eyestar 
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