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Review #4735339
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Review by Choconut Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: | (4.5)
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Hi staiNed Author Icon

I am reviewing your poem, "Invalid Entry" Open in new Window. for Week 10 of "I Write in 2024" Open in new Window.. My review is in affiliation with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window..

Please remember, these opinions are purely my own, and my sole intention is to be helpful.

The first thing that caught my eye with this poem is the form. I like how you've centred the words and also the size and font. This all helps create the somber feeling of mourning a loved one.

The first couple of times I read this, I couldn't work out how the last lines fit with the rest, or what the first lines had to do with the prompt. However, when it finally clicked that you are describing a grave stone (I think), I had to admire how clever you are.

At first, the "dying flowers" and "weeping skeletons" made me think this was a supernatural or horror genre poem. Again, once I realised what you had actually written, I was super impressed. I was a bit confused, though, about how the weeping skeletons "sleep over me." It's the sleeping part I don't get. That made me question my light bulb moment.

One typo I noticed: "I am the rock the forms from this gift." I would say it should be, "the rock that forms ..."

I really love the imagery you have used. The passage of time is well shown, too, by the dying flowers that, later, are gone. Despite it being under forty words, you have created a whole scene of grief and loss. It's very clever.

One final thing: Well done for taking the prompt in a completely different direction. I would never have thought of writing something like this. In fact, I have been thinking about the "rock" prompt all morning, and I still don't know what I will write.

Most importantly, keep writing!

Choconut

Purple Panther sig. 2. Gifted by [Link To User tblakely5] .



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