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 Review #4737686 |
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| (3.5)| Hello, H❀pe! I'm reviewing your poem as one of the Judges from the Newbies Poetry Contest.  Overall Impression:This is an enchanting story with a fun twist ending. Form, Rhythm, Cadence, and Style:Stylistically, your decision to interject humour into a potentially dramatic story was very well done. The concept itself is well thought out and entertaining. When it comes to the rhyme scheme, there are some bumps along the way. The first is the difference in organization. There is nothing wrong with mixing up rhyming couplets with quatrains, but the lack of consistency did present small (though not deal-breaking) challenge. The first part of 2 couplets-1 quatrain-2 couplets-1 quatrain works very well, especially in this type of storytelling poetry. The second bumps are the differences in rhythm. It certainly does not have to adhere to a strict assigned meter, but there are several times when the syllabic differences were off enough to make the reader stumble. - because she’d heard a knock at the front door. Another knock. Insistence she could not ignore. You could take out "front", and imply the insistence of the knock another way: -because she'd heard a knock at the door a frantic pounding she could not ignore. A similar problem occurs with "With kind eyes, they did not see the axe/(Well Tommy did, and thought it a lumberjack's.) In a few other instances it's a simple matter of removing the word "just" from the lines in the poem. I'm the first one to admit I use filler words like "just", "that", "and", etc. in my poetry and it has the same effect of throwing the cadence off. I can't always catch them because how I read it in my head isn't necessarily how the reader interprets it. Often, removing the filler words puts everyone on the same page in terms of flow. Content:It's a wonderful story, and I wasn't expecting the ending! Although, I can't say I was expecting a failed lumberjack, either. It's full of little surprises and has a unique, whimsical storytelling vibe. Grammar and Mechanics:I covered the big ones in the Form section, so I don't have anything specific to add here. Final Thoughts:This is a strong entry and a wonderful story-poem. Thank you for entering the contest. Thank you for sharing your work with us! Jayne  My approach to reviews: "I'll Explain, but not Disclaim"
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You responded to this review 03/17/2024 @ 9:19pm EDT