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 Review #4758319 |
 | Pearlescent  [E] Mrs. Codswell's pearl was just stolen. Who done it?  |
| Hi Scary Potato . I'm Jace, and it's my distinct pleasure to read and comment on your offering "Pearlescent" for the "I Write in 2024" .  Overall Impression. Who doesn't enjoy a good who-dun-it? My mother was an avid mystery reader. But she always had to read the last chapter to find out what really happened and who did the deed. Only then could she enjoy reading the book. I cannot do that at all.I'm glad I put off posting my entry to I Write until a bit later than I planned. Your descriptions speak to me as your reader. Since your focus was to show rather than tell, that's good. Keep it up. You've written a mystery entry for one of the prompts in the "Tales Shown, Not Told Contest" . Your title works well; the description is rather predictable. You only used 650 words out of a possible 3000 words. There was a lot more information that might have been included and revealed slowly to draw out your reader's attention and powers of discernment. For example, you took some pains to introduce both Mrs. Codswell and Mr. McAllister. I wondered why there wasn't more interaction and discussion of the alleged theft before Mr. Codswell showed up. Speaking of the Mr., he just shows up and immediately we have a solution to the mystery. At least, make Mr. McAllister pull the reason out from Mr. Codswell slowly and painfully. To engage your reader in your story, I think you should give that reader some time to form his or her opinion as to what happened to the Behemoth Pearl. Interesting finish, though; I thought it unique.  Technical and Editorial Considerations.  You followed the contest's rule of double-spacing the paragraphs. It seemed like you created a lot of paragraphs, some of which might easily be combined. Strickly speaking, it's not a requirement to combine them. But having most of your paragraphs as one or two sentences made it read more like a list of items.  My Rating. Review only; no rating.  Thank you for sharing this offering. Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion.
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You responded to this review 06/22/2024 @ 11:12pm EDT