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 Review #4765337 |
  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY!!! from "Anniversary Reviews"   Celebrating your writing this month with a review. Happy Account Anniversary merrijane, I had to brush up on the chiastic structure, aware I naively attempted this the form with an old poem, “Even Tide” and also recently did a point on a metaphoric arrow. This, the first poem that drew my attention as i perused your portfolio. I was intrigued to learn how your structure attempts to divine the form. "Invalid Item" 's exploration through those lenses of archer and musician did stir a melodious vision. You adopt what you term ‘a loosely chiastic structure’, mainly through mirrored phrases that highlight dualities of striving for clarity amidst uncertainty. I enjoyed your use of simile, the drawn parallels between experiences and the actions of a longbow archer and a musician. This technique targets the themes of aim and harmony in a cohesive and apparently insightful view of the human experience, that pursuit of mastery and understanding to sought perfection. The first stanza introduces the imagery of an archer, with the metaphor of the arrow representing the speaker's oscillation through life. Great use of verbs "oscillate" and "whip" to create a sense of dynamic movement, helping a reader feel both anxiety of correct course desire for precision. I see the symmetry traced through the chiastic structure, where the speaker's experiences in the first two stanzas reflect their attempts at finding balance in this thematic journey. The musical imagery in the second stanza, particularly the "sustained note" metaphor, complements the archer imagery, presenting another form of striving for accuracy. There is a juxtaposition of "quaver flat and sharp" that seemed to further emphasize the struggle for precision with the natures of both music and life. Your ending stanzas became more introspective, shifting from that individual struggle to understanding each the "musician" and "archer," who are what we view as those who strive for a deeper mastery of their skill. The line, "the archer aims / to hit the mark," feels like determination that is more than just ambition. You might be able to amplify the emotional factor of this poem if you further explore this piece through emotion. There might be room for developing more internal conflict or giving better description to lines like: "tiptoeing at the edges of clarity." It’s possible to find a deeper connect with readers, would this tension become more gripping. For me, this poem successfully applies form and theme to create a reflective offering about nuances to develop one’s skill and understanding of these two disciplines. If you seek to fully actualize in form, getting deeper emotionally and the personal experience might help in the balance of the structure. I can see a vivid portrayal of the stakes involved in the pursuit of clarity to reach audience, ultimately hitting the bullseye of both form and thematic richness. Brian WDC Anniversary and Angel Army Reviewer   My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 07/24/2024 @ 8:43pm EDT