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 Review #4771097 |
 | Feline Ritual  [ASR] A Pantoum about a strange ritual. . .  |
| (4.5)   Greetings, Weirdone-Back in the games! I am reviewing this because I am part of "I Write in 2024" .  First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest. The Positives/What I Liked I liked that you included a link to this form, which is helpful. The Pantoum is quite a challenge but also fun! I've written a few myself, so I know how confusing it can be, especially if you've never written one.  Your Genres: Animal, Horror/Scary, Religious are the perfect choices for this piece. Sometimes it's hard to find three different genres to include, but this piece definitely falls nicely under each one of these. I noticed you bolded certain words, so I'm assuming those were part of the prompt, which was also a strange ritual. And a strange ritual it turned out to be! Very creepy! I could visualize it easily and could almost feel a silent chant while reading through this piece. You've done a great job with the prompted words, for sure! My favorite stanza is the last one:A feather floating from above Up to the altar steps the priest The cat feeds before the beast, Upon five most unfortunate doves. Suggestions/Comments to ConsiderI have just a couple of thoughts here. One is that in the first stanza in the fourth line--the god above he worships now. does not begin with a capital letter as all the other lines do. I know this is nit-picky, but I did notice it. The other thing I picked up on, and I could be confused about this, is in your last stanza, instead of a/b/a/b rhyme scheme you had going, it turns to a/b/b/a. I actually like it though; it works for me, but as this is a contest, I thought I'd bring it up. When I clicked on the link that explained how to write this form from Malay, it seemed all the stanzas followed the same rhyming pattern. I could be wrong. I know some forms allow options, so please ignore this if this is the case. Like I said, it works for me, and it was my favorite stanza. I felt you did a great job with this! Final ThoughtsThe Pantoum can certainly be mind-boggling to write, but you have proven it to look easy. Very impressive!  A Review from: "Invalid Item" Have a great day and... K e e p on W r i t i n g ! Cubby ")
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You responded to this review 08/24/2024 @ 4:00pm EDT