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 Review #4803687 |
 | The Shadow of My Mistakes  [E] A man reflects on his mistakes, losing the woman he loved when he needed her most.  |
| (4.0)| Greetings, Edward! Welcome to our international community of writing inspiration and support. The following observations are offered in the interest of friendly hospitality and constructive support, but they are nothing more than one person's opinions, so take them or leave them for whatever you think they may be worth. TITLE: The title is a critical element of your composition, because it is the portal through which a prospective reader must pass to enter the realm of your imagination. If that entrance does not spark some sort of interest, chances are he or she will move along to the next item, or maybe even the next author. The "Shadow" metaphor is very effective in catching that random browser's attention. FORM & STRUCTURE: Poetry weaves an intricate web of aesthetic effects with threads of lyrical language, vibrant imagery and organizational form. As poets, we select a pattern for any particular composition based on the contributions the specific characteristics of that form will make toward enhancing the shades and nuances of meaning. Dividing the composition into several stanzas helps to control the pace and sharpen the focus, allowing your readers to absorb each impression before moving along to the next. The consistent pattern of quatrains with rhyming couplets generates a rhythm which propels the narrative forward very nicely. IMAGERY: Imagery is the lifeblood of a poem. Like a craftsman carving, molding, painting, and polishing wood, stone, clay, or some other material, the poet uses words to shape and paint pictures which present some lyrical impulse or spiritual truth. Rather than TELLING the audience about those feelings, the poet SHOWS the impressions through distinct images that project emotional overtones and associations with other images and events. In this way, the poet stirs an emotional response from the reader. From the first stanza forward, the vivid sensory details, such as "warm and true," "painted my gray skies blue," and "laughter danced like morning light," project graphic images upon the screen of your reader's imagination. POETIC TECHNIQUE: If done well, rhyming can be pleasing to the ear and fun to create, testing the wit and ingenuity of the poet. It can also serve as an audible echo or resonance for emphasis. Additionally, rhyming can be an organizing device to create zones of similarity for your poems and linkage to connect different thoughts. There are several problems that arise when using rhymes, end-rhymes in particular. The first is that rhymes tend to draw attention to themselves and may overshadow the message of the poem. Also, the writer may torture the diction or grammatical structure to make the line fit the established rhyme scheme. Another danger is writing a line that fulfills the formal rhyming requirement but fails to meet the commitment of expressing a heartfelt belief. The rhyming in this composition is well executed for the most part. However, there are a couple of issues in the sixth and seventh stanzas: In the sixth stanza, the phrase "made her fail" fits the rhyming pattern, but appears that your narrator is transferring responsibility for the failure. In the seventh stanza, the normal syntax is reversed at the end in order to fit the rhyming pattern. OVERALL IMPRESSION: Art happens in two places: in writers' minds as they create it, and in readers' minds as they perceive it. Creative writers explore possibilities through a lens colored by past experience and share them with an unseen audience. They call upon a unique reservoir of such enlightenment, conceptual skill and innovative research to evoke some spiritual reaction from your audience--be it joy, melancholy, shock, or any of a thousand others. You have painted a clear picture of the abstract concept of remorse, which had me feeling sad. If you are interested in learning more about the craft of composing poetry, or merely chatting with a few like-minded wordsmiths, we would love to have you join our discussions in "The Poet's Place " group.Here's wishing you fair winds as you continue to navigate this universe known as Writing.Com. Let the creativity flow from your soul!  Dave "The Poet's Place " * All items are rated in accordance with the guidelines provided in "Comment-In-A-Box" . My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 03/04/2025 @ 5:16pm EST