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 Review #4812885 |
 | Sail to Me Upon an Ocean I Wept for You  [E] A tide of emotion that carries the reader to the place where hearts once met.  |
| (4.0)| Greetings, Warm_Ri_Gards !Welcome aboard our International Inspiration Station, aka Writing.Com. The following observations are offered in belated, but still grateful, response to your Review of "Melody of the Broken Hearted"  . Of course, they are nothing more than one person's opinions, so take them or leave them for whatever you think they may be worth.TITLE: Unless your name is Maya Angelou, or that of some other famous poet, whose reputation is enough to attract a fawning audience, the title is one of the most important elements of any composition, because it is the portal through which a prospective reader must pass to enter the realm of your imagination. It sets the tone and prepares the reader for what is to come. If that entrance does not spark some sort of interest, chances are he or she will move along to the next item, or maybe even the next author. The title of this poem appeals to that random browser's sense of compassion with its vivid reference to loss. FORM & STRUCTURE: The poet writing free verse must compensate for the lack of traditional structure by designing the title, line, stanza, and rhythm to provide the greatest impact in an efficient manner. Careful design of the word selection and arrangement, the length and density of each line, and the breakdown of stanzas must provide a natural rhythm. That is, through much toil in search of precise language, experimentation with forming lines and stanzas, and extensive revision, the poet carefully crafts a work that appears natural, authentic, and convincing to the reader. Dividing the composition into several stanzas helps to control the pace and sharpen the focus, allowing your readers to absorb each impression before moving along to the next. IMAGERY: Imagery is the lifeblood of a poem. Like a craftsman carving, molding, painting, and polishing wood, stone, clay, or some other material, the poet uses words to shape and paint pictures which present some lyrical impulse or spiritual truth. Rather than TELLING the audience about those feelings, the poet SHOWS the impressions through distinct images that project emotional overtones and associations with other images and events. In this way, the poet stirs an emotional response from the reader. That "ocean" metaphor clearly provides your audience with an idea of the scope of your narrator's pain. However, the second stanza appears to avoid presenting distinct details with which your reader could relate. While this plea would strike a note with the object of your narrator's expression, I believe you could strengthen your readers' connection by being more specific, as Sylvia Plath did in her poem Daddy: https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/48999/daddy-56d22aafa45b2 . OVERALL IMPRESSION: Art happens in two places: in writers' minds as they create it, and in readers' minds as they perceive it. Creative writers explore possibilities through a lens colored by past experience and share them with an unseen audience. They call upon a unique reservoir of such enlightenment, conceptual skill and innovative research to evoke some spiritual reaction from your audience--be it joy, melancholy, shock, or any of a thousand others. In this case, I felt sympathy for your narrator's circumstances. This poem appears to be the perfect candidate for "The Long Poetry Contest" .If you are interested in learning more about the craft of composing poetry, or merely chatting with a few like-minded wordsmiths, we would love to have you join our discussions in "The Poet's Place " group.Here's wishing you fair winds as you continue to navigate this universe known as Writing.Com. Let the creativity flow from your soul!  Dave "The Poet's Place " * All items are rated in accordance with the guidelines provided in "Comment-In-A-Box" . My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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