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Review #4815918
Viewing a review of:
 The bus that never came  Open in new Window. [E]
A soft goodbye to the life I once dreamed
by Wissalsong Author Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*Quill* *Quill* *Quill*


*Tulipo* Greetings, Wissalsong! I am reviewing this because it came up on Read & Review. I'm so glad it did. This piece really impacted me.

*Quill* First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you and leave the rest.

*Tulipp* The Positives/What I Liked

         *Bulletv* Wow. This is so good. And your title, The bus that never came is the best title ever for this piece! I love how you ended your poem with it, too. *Smile*
         *Bulletg* I love how you begin this free verse poem...describing your dream of a four-children family, wearing a white dress and a messy bun, and a bag that holds everything for everyone. This is such a nice visual. I can picture it perfectly!
         *Bulletp* This joyful chaos is what you grew up along with a natural expectation, a rhythm you were familiar with. I loved this stanza so much. Nice work!
         *Bulletb* And now it gets a little sad, because those things you craved were not guarenteed. You come to the realization that perhaps you were not meant to have everything you grew up with. That is so hard! Yet...you are not bitter, nor feel defeated, though you silently mourn for all those things you had dreamed about, especially for him...the bus that never came.
         *Bulleto* Painfully beautiful. *Heart*


*Tulipb* Suggestions/Comments to Consider

         I don't think I'd change a thing. But you might consider going in and adding a few genres. For instance, I'm guessing this piece is written from your personal experience, though I'm not sure. If it is, you might choose the following genres: Personal, Experience, Family Of course, you can choose whichever genres you feel work the best. *Wink*


*Tulipy* Final Thoughts

         I don't recall ever reading anything like this. It was sad, heartbreaking, brave, and beautiful.

By the way...I noticed you have recently joined Writing.com! Welcome! *Smile* It's a great community. If you have any questions, do not hesitate to ask! We're a friendly bunch here and we love our Newbies! *Heart*

Have a great day and...*Quill*
  K e e p on W r i t i n g !
Cubby *Tulipv*

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