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Review #4824185
Viewing a review of:
 The breathless hearts descent  Open in new Window. [E]
"A soulful Rumi-esque ode to surrender: A heart drowning in love
by danielbird Author Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)

*Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill*

Greetings, danielbird! I am reviewing this because it appeared on Read and Review" and I was drawn to it immediately. I also noticed that you are quite new to Writing.com. Welcome to our friendly and encouraging community! If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to ask.

*Quill* First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for "you" and leave the rest.

*Tulipp* The Positives/What I Liked

         *Bulletv* Aw...such beautiful words laced with love and longing! Your words run deep and the reader immediately falls in love with this piece. Your flow, your rhymes, the tone...nothing feels forced at all. Great work!

         *Bulletg* A few of my favorite lines are...

To drink your tears like rain, and still your flame
and
Dissolves like stars into my endless light


*Tulipb* Suggestions/Comments to Consider

         In your title, The breathless hearts descent, you might consider --> The Breathless Heart[']s Descent

         My only other suggestion is that you might think about uncapping the beginning of most of your lines, as a cap per each line is somewhat distracting to the flow. A quick example...

In secret chambers of your soul, a cry
Echoed through eternity – "Come, I die
From holding life alone, from every breath

(consider}

In secret chambers of your soul, a cry
echoed through eternity – "Come, I die
from holding life alone, from every breath


*Tulipy* Final Thoughts
         You obviously are a very gifted writer! Thank you for sharing, and again... Welcome to Writing.com!

Have a great day and...*Quill*
  K e e p on W r i t i n g !
Cubby *Tulipv*

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