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 Review #4824370 |
| (4.5)| A WdC SuperPowers Review Hi Lilly  . I'm JACE , and I have the honor of reading and reviewing your offering "Poem" , which I found on the site's Read & Review feature.I invite your attention to the comments below. Please bear in mind these notes are from one on the outside looking in; ultimately only you can decide what's right for your story.  Overall Impression. First, welcome to Writing.Com. I notice you joined yesterday. I hope you find the site and the members everything you hope for on your writing journey. Congrats on posting your first item. You're on your way.Please consider filling out your Bio-Block and Biography tab. That way other members with similar interests as yours can find you. I liked your poem. You penned a two-stanza poem with an a-a-b-b rhyme scheme ... except for the last line. I found your last line to be at odds with the rest of your poem. First, it didn't rhyme with the previous line. And second, it felt incomplete; like you just stopped in mid-sentence. You might consider changing from 'souls' to 'rest.' Or something like that. I use a Rhyming Dictionary, by Merriam-Webster, when I write poetry that requires rhyming. It's an awesome reference to have. As for the rest of your poem, I enjoyed reading your phrasing. That might sound odd, but a number of poems I've read recently didn't flow very well. Yours did.  Technical and Editorial Considerations. In this section I normally list those areas that relate specifically to the mechanics of your writing--punctuation, grammar, spelling, etc. A suggestion for this and other items you post: Use your title to reflect the topic or subject that you are writing about. For example, use Moonlit Dreams as your title. You already include it within the body of the poem. Make it the title and remove it from the body. Also, your brief description should be a billboard for your item--something that entices a reader to want to read your poem or story. "Moonlight" is okay, but it doesn't give your potential reader much to go on.  My Rating. 4.5.  Thank you for sharing this offering. Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion.Reviewed by JACE   My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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