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![]() | Lopez and the Cosmic Keg ![]() A humble gamer saves the world if only to ensure he can still game after hours ![]() |
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() I guess this is every gamer’s dream! Although the main character protested at first, he was quite thrilled that his years of gaming had led to this: He was the only one who could save the planet with his unique skills, and he got to do what he loved. It only took him a minute to adjust to this new reality. For him, fighting space monsters was the same, only now he seemed to have much better equipment. He was a likeable character, a reluctant hero who really only wanted to be left alone but stepped up when he was needed. ![]() This read like a short version of a longer story, and I think it would lend itself to that. You have an intriguing premise and interesting characters. What this story was missing, in my opinion, was depth. Even in a short story, I would expect to learn more about the main character than just surface information, and the readers know next to nothing about Mara – both seemed a little like characters in a game rather than ‘real’ characters. The prophesy was such an appealing concept, but it just got mentioned a couple of times. What I would recommend is taking this story and turning it into something much longer, more involved and more engaging. You have a great draft or a very good synopsis here, but it didn’t really read like the finished product. ![]() That’s not to say that I didn’t like the story. I thought the idea was very good, and technically it was solid. It just needed a bit more ‘human’ development, which might sound strange in a tale that centres around computer games, but unless the characters are robots themselves, they need to display some emotions to set them apart.
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