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 Review #4826369 |
 | The intruder  [E] A rude awakening.  |
| (4.5)  A review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  First Impressions: I found this in ‘Read & Review’. It’s not a new story, but I hope you don’t mind me popping in with a quick review! This tale had me on the edge of my seat, not least because you filed it under Non-fiction. That must have been a terrifying experience. You didn’t answer the intruder’s question at the end when he asked how old you were, but you were clearly still a child, maybe a teenager, when this happened. There were some funny elements, like the way your father and your brother were fighting each other in the dark, each thinking the other one was the intruder. Mainly though, it was a very gripping and scary tale, and who knows what might have happened had you not screamed and woken up the rest of the house. There were some great details, like the way the intruder had used the sideboard to block the door, and it made it easy to imagine the scene.  Suggestions: I noticed a couple of small errors: There came a knock at the back door, Mum opened it to the old couple who lived next door. I believe instead of a comma, you need a period there to separate the two independent sentence, or you could add an “and” after the comma. There was no such thing as DNA in those days. I think this would work better if you clarified that there was no DNA testing back then.  Final Thoughts: The story had an unfinished feel. It ended half-way through the burglary with the intruder asking you a question, but you didn’t answer it, and it wasn’t clear what happened afterwards. At one point, he held a knife to your throat, but you screamed anyway, and then, presumably, he bolted. The readers can piece it together from what you said earlier, but I think it would be worth wrapping the story up a little neater rather than leaving it with that question. It would also be interesting to know if he was caught and who he was, although that’s not necessarily part of this story. It’s a well written and engaging tale, and the readers will want to know how it ended!
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You responded to this review 07/22/2025 @ 10:43am EDT