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Review #4826612
Viewing a review of:
 Right Up Until He Couldn't. Open in new Window. [E]
Tasked to write a story under 200 words that conveys emotion without naming it.
by SM Yeardley Author Icon
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#4826612
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
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*Beach* *Party* *CakeB* Welcome to Writing.Com! *Beach* *Party* *CakeB*



Hello, Sean Yeardley, aka lawfulgoodsean!


INITIAL IMPRESSION / OVERVIEW:

*Bulletg* I enjoyed reading and playing your "Right up until he couldn't" story.

*Bulletg* Your writing kept me riveted and I read straight through to the end.

*Bulletg* You're being celebrated as part of our Newbie Review Raid Beach Party!


MORE DETAILED FEEDBACK:

*Bulleto* Welcome to Writing.Com! I hope you enjoy this review as a celebration of your joining us here and find the review uplifting and encouraging. It is meant to be honest and respectful, and in accordance with Writing.Com guidelines.

*Bulleto* I greatly enjoyed reading your "Right up until he couldn't" short story. You did a great job of conveying emotions without naming them. I even felt a little tug on my heart at the end.

*Bulleto* You did a great job in setting the scene and telling your story in what I presume is under two hundred words. It felt like it was under the limit for your assignment. I hope you get an A on your assignment, if it's graded.

*Bulleto* You did a good job of conveying the passage in time that was reflected in the protagonist's thoughts as the story progressed too.

*Bulleto* I liked that she took the time to view things from her childhood as a parent, versus only ever living them in her mind from her childhood perspective.

*Bulleto* You leave us with some sense of mystery as to why he "couldn't" anymore, and that's to be expected with such a low word count allowance. I think it lets the reader make up their own reason too, which can be more interesting.

*Bulleto* We have a Daily Flash Fiction contest here that might interest you. I'll go grab the link. Here's a regular web link for it: https://www.writing.com/main/forums/item_id/896794-Daily-Flash-Fiction-Challenge... and here's the Writing.Com special link: "Daily Flash Fiction ChallengeOpen in new Window. I believe the story must be newly written for the contest, so this one won't qualify, but you definitely have what it takes to win. Another daily contest to consider is the Writer's Cramp, which takes stories or poetry and allows for longer word counts (though it's not required). Here's the web link for it: https://www.writing.com/main/forums/item_id/333655-The-Writers-Cramp and here's the Writing.Com special link: "The Writer's CrampOpen in new Window.. No pressure to enter either. I'm just mentioning it because I think you'd be a great participant with good chances of winning. There can be some fierce competition, so if you don't win, I recommend reading the winning stories and making your own guess as to what made the difference. It can be a great learning experience. And if you do win, I hope you enjoy the victory!

*Bulleto* I thought the "emotional" genre you selected for this story was a good match for it. I'd recommend choosing two more genres, and for a total of three, as we are allowed three, and people do search by genre here. Perhaps "family," or "experience” might be nice options to consider? There's a drop down list, as you know, because you had to use it to select “emotional". I don't have it memorized; those are just some suggestions. The actual list will probably be more helpful.

Just to show it's not only me who recommends this, moderator "Schnujo" shared on the news feed in a comment on 2/21/2025 that “SM has told me, himself, that the #1 way people search for things to read on WdC is through the genre search, so if you aren't filling out all 3 genres, you are literally missing out on readers.” [On the chance that you don't already know this, SM is our StoryMaster here, and definitely in the know.] If you want to see the note and scroll down to see her whole comment, here’s the web link: https://www.writing.com/main/profile/note_id/1076506 and here's the internal Writing.Com link: "Note: View this Note".

*Bulleto* My very favorite part of your "Right up until he couldn't" story was the emotional element woven throughout your story.


IDEAS TO MAKE YOUR PIECE STRONGER:
In the spirit of helpfulness, and because of the requirements of a new reviewing challenge I joined recently, I have one little suggestion to make your piece stronger. If you're interested in some constructive criticism, read on. But if you aren't, no worries. Just know that I enjoyed your piece and move on to the next section.

Still reading? You're brave! Yay for you! *Clap*

*Bulletb* I'd recommend changing your story's title to title case. Right it looks like this:
"Right up until he couldn't."

If you made this change, it would look like this (done so you can see and for easy copy and pasting, should you decide to make the change):
"Right Up Until He Couldn't."


As with any review, please take what serves you and release or ignore what doesn't.


CONCLUSION:

*Bulletv* I enjoyed reading your "Right up until he couldn't" story, and appreciated the feelings it generated in me as I read it.

*Bulletv* Thank you for sharing your time, creativity, sense of emotion, and writing with the Writing.Com community!

*Bulletv* Once again, welcome to Writing.Com! I hope the year ahead is filled with blessings and joy for you!

May love, joy and peace be yours in abundance!

PWheeler





*Gemo*  *Ribbono*  *Gemo* A SuperPower Reviewers Choice review! *Ribbono*  *Gemo*  *Ribbono*


Super Neat Present from Super Power Reviewers Group. Thank you, Maryann and everyone!


*Seahorseb* *Balloong* *Seahorseb* "WdC SuperPower Reviewers GroupOpen in new Window. SuperPower Newbie Summer Beach Party! *Seahorseb* *Balloong* *Seahorseb*

Beach Party Raid 1

*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 07/24/2025 @ 8:15am EDT
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