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Review #4833030
Viewing a review of:
 Sand in the Sheets Open in new Window. [E]
Some things just get to you, like sand in your sheets.
by Myra Karine Author Icon
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#4833030
Review by LdyPhoenix Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Greetings Myra Karine Author IconMail Icon-

*Bullet*This is review of "Sand in the Sheets" Open in new Window..*Bullet*
This review is given in the spirit of fellowship, and to help improve each other's writing.
It by no means is meant to cause harm by the opinions expressed there within.
Please take what you feel is constructive and discard the rest.


[ First Thoughts ]

         There is a sense of helplessness throughout the poem. It's an annoyance that is amplified over time, especially when compiled with other problems and inconveniences. Is it really a simple thing like sand in the sheets or was that annoyance just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the problems in the narrator's life?

         The flow you created worked well with the emotions you were trying to protray. The mixture of repetition along with pointed questions you ask towards the end of the poem really bring the reader into the problem(s) that the narrator is facing.

[ Errors ]

         I could find no errors. Well done!

[ Suggestions ]

         I like the structure you've created with your poem. No notes or suggestions.

[ Favorite Line/Segment ]

"I don't really care.
I don't really know.
I'll just have to live with it,
Like sand in the sheets.

Or perhaps I'll get new sheets."


         The last line was a great cumination of this poem. The helplessness of the situation gives way to a potential drastic but pragmatic solution. Get rid of the thing that's annoying you, causing you to doubt everything around you instead of living with the unknown of its occurance. Definitely a new favorite ending of mine.

[ Conclusion ]

         This poem easily brought the reader into the feelings that the narrator was having. A simple problem can easily snowball into something much greater given all the other problems surrounding it. Plus, sand anywhere is just plain annoying. I enjoyed this poem so much. Thank you for sharing your work. Write on!




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