I enjoyed your short story very much. It's well-written and cohesive. The characters were clear and distinct. The plot was well-set up and executed. There were no major errors that I noticed. I only have two suggestions. The first would be to organize lines into proper paragraphs. This would improve the story's flow. The second would be to lengthen the story as this would give you more room to build the atmosphere. These are just suggestions, and you don't have to use them if they don't fit. Overall, a well-written story.