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Review #4833823
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Review by JACE Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: | (4.5)
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A WdC SuperPowers Review


Hi bobaturn Author Icon.

I'm JACE Author Icon, and I have the honor of reading and reviewing your offering "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.. I'm writing this review as part of the 25th Birthday of Writing.Com. I hope you're able to take some time and take part in the festivities.

I invite your attention to the comments below. Please bear in mind these notes are from one on the outside looking in; ultimately only you can decide what's right for your story.

*Note1* Overall Impression. What an interesting take of a potential future for not only Writing.Com, but also the world. It's a bit depressing to consider that particular future ... but not without reason.

It's good to think of WDC succeeding far into the future. I've no doubt that WDC will be around for many years to come, and that is thanks to not only the Staff, but its members. And by the way, welcome to the best time to be part of the best writing site ever.

Good title, is not a mite plain. This could lead a potential reader anywhere. Your brief description helps focus that destination, further enticing a reader. I found it interesting that you chose the name DarkOwl as a character. There is actually a member on the membership rolls using that name, though is not active at present. Was this a coincidence? Just curious.

Another question: Did you purposely choose the name of 'Newies' as the newest members? Or, was it supposed to be Newbies, a reference to new members in the early WDC years.

*Exclaim* Technical and Editorial Considerations. In this section I normally list those areas that relate specifically to the mechanics of your writing--punctuation, grammar, spelling, etc.

         *Bullet* I believe you're missing the open quote marks for the following line by the StoryMaster:  We were the longest lasting writers group online.”

         *Bullet* Consider being more active in your voice versus passive. Also, a typo. For example:  It had felt was tragic that the event happend happened on the 25th birthday of the online writing group.

         *Bullet* Another typo near the end of your story:  SotryMaster to StoryMaster

*Star* My Rating.  4.5. 

*Heart* Thank you for sharing this offering. Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion.


Reviewed by
JACE

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