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 Review #4833977 |
 | Judge not lest ...  [13+] Entry for W D Wilcox Dialogue 500.  |
| (4.0)  My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines. THE STORYBart thinks he's won a food package that he's going to critique, but there's always a down side to free stuff...  WHAT I LIKEDWhen Bart ate the caviar. He never knew what hit him.  DIALOGUEThis is written for the Dialogue 500 contest so dialogue drives the story. The story is told over a telephone conversation which was interesting. OPENING PARAGRAPHThe opening paragraph doesn't really grab me, but it's interesting enough. I suppose that's the challenge of dialogue only, isn't it? CHARACTERSSounds like Bart was a bit a @$$ back in the day and what goes around comes around. I don't think he knew what hit him. FLOW & PACINGThe beginning kind of gets off slow, but it picks up in the middle and the ending nails it. Overall, a good compact story in 500 words or less. MECHANICSI did not notice and spelling/punctuation mistakes. My only suggestion here, and it's minor and a matter of style - maybe increase the font a little to make it easier on the eyes. PARTING THOUGHTSThe title hints at what is to come. The story story subtle builds suspense and then hits the reader like a freight train with the ending. And the ending proved to be a nail biter. A quickie that packs an extended ending of creepiness. An Angel Army Review
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