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 Review #4834642 |
| Greetings Passion   - This is review of "weakens "  .This review is given in the spirit of fellowship, and to help improve each other's writing. It by no means is meant to cause harm by the opinions expressed within. Please take what you feel is constructive and discard the rest. [ First Thoughts ] I find myself captivated by the first chapter of your story. Your writing starts off strong and continues with the same ferocity throughout the entire chapter. When the end came, I found myself hooked on your premise, wanting to know more. Your attention to detail is superb. Not only did I get a clear understanding of what was happening on the ship, I also felt like I was able to see it through the narrator's eyes, as she doesn't hold back in her inner thoughts. This made me root for her almost immediately. [ Errors ] There were some minor errors that can easily be fixed. "(And) and she would sacrifice anything to preserve them." "(And) and with it came the dreadful certainty (of) thought that my journey had begun..." [ Suggestions ] There are a few instances of formatting errors where lines didn't have proper paragraph breaks or there were too many spaces between dialogue and direction. This can sometimes happen when transferring a document from another word processor into WDC Statics. My suggestion would be for you to take another look at the chapter to find the paragraph breaks and spaces that you need to provide an easier reading experience. [ Favorite Line/Segment ] "Their joy was a blade that twisted deeper with every step I took." I love this line. It's evocative and bitter, and it highlights the way the narrator of the chapter feels about her situation. While she may not have the words (yet), she still has a strong inner voice that wants to push back at what is unfolding before her. Wonderful writing here. [ Conclusion ] The narrator of this story seems to be on the verge of something. While this is just the first chapter, I have high hopes for her as she tries to navigate all the surrounding plans trying to dictate her life. There is an impending sense of dread and a touch of hopelessness threaded throughout, yet it is through her inner narrative that I have hope that she is strong enough to face whatever is to come. I am vastly intrigued by what happens next! Thank you so much for sharing the first chapter of your story. Write on! 
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You responded to this review 09/13/2025 @ 12:04pm EDT