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 Review #4834730 |
 | The Adventures of Dr. Fleaglebeak  [ASR] This is the beginnigs of a story that keeps rolling around in my head!  |
| (3.0)  "Anniversary Reviews" is celebrating A QUARTER CENTURY of Writing.Com! What a lively, cozy voice complete with an actual rare-book hook! I like how the estate-sale opening is brisk and instantly sets stakes and piques the reader’s curiosity about the mysterious bidder. I love how the warm character dynamic and charming bookstore elements give the story a great texture. The characters are extremely likable, and the world feels properly lived in. I did notice a few areas that could use revision: First, consider tightening the long backstory blocks. Instead of telling us about a character directly, let their history emerge through scene and dialogue so your pacing doesn’t grind to a halt. Second, give it a revision pass for formatting and spelling errors. There are a number of places where the equals sign appears instead of an apostrophe, like “she=s” and “won=t.” There are also smaller typos. For example: “n the box” → in the box “books was” → book was “set down” → sat down You have a fantastic imagination, and with a little editing and trimming, you can take this from good to great! Jayne  My approach to reviews: "I'll Explain, but not Disclaim"
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