Greetings bobaturn ,  Welcome to Writing.com! I was pleased to read  "Invalid Item"  from your portfolio and it is my pleasure to give your writing a review.

September 12, 2025

  FIRST IMPRESSION
 
I was quickly taken away and immersed in your wonderful story. An immediate praise for the story is that I was so engrossed that I had no false perceptions of how the story would turn out, what the treasure would be or who the evil forces were. You unfolded the action and the plot seamlessly. The elements of the story were all genuinely plausible, and because fantasy play and real life intertwined so beautifully it made the final resolution to the story extremely satisfying.  

  THEME
 
"Invalid Item"  is a story of five children whose play at being pirates turns into a real life action adventure with a real treasure, real pirates and just a bit of treachery where a real criminal shows his true colors.

  STRUCTURE
 
The story is written from the author's point of view developing the scenes and characters with enough detail to beckon the reader into the hallowed world of children at play.
 
  MY FAVORITE MOMENT
 
This was my favorite moment:

“Oh,oh. More trouble.” Julie was looking back at the shore. “Red Beard and his nasty crew found us after all.” Their flat bottom boat hung low in the water. A shout of delight came from the half submerged craft.


By this time in the story the tension has really been built. Every child has become aware that their play is now a very real life challenge. A real enemy has been discovered, and he has captured their complete attention. But their problems intensify as the crew of the evil Red Beard show up, after the five treasure hunters thought their foe defeated by the elements. This point in the story brings brilliantly to light the very mature lesson, in what is otherwise a children's story, that life's true battles are endless and happy endings are earned not bestowed upon one by fairies. Well done.
 
  SUGGESTIONS
 
Beyond the plot, scenes and characters there is a wonderful flow to your prose. No jagged edges or bumps. I love how you captured the nature of children who are willing to abandon themselves completely into their play. I believe you have mastered a lot of the story telling art and would only suggest that you write on!


  IN SUMMARY
 
"Invalid Item"  awakens memories of a life lived at an age where comfort was a small matter. The play was the thing. The imagination trumped what I might consider now to be hardship or inconvenience. Written for a younger audience the tale still resonates with me, because once I was a pilot, a ship's captain, a general, a fierce Apache warrior and however it appeared to the adults around me my imagination was shaping my future. A most blissful future. Thank you.
 
I hope my thoughts and impressions have been a help. Let me know if you have any questions about my review.
 
Kind Regards,

~Kenword~ 
 

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You responded to this review 09/13/2025 @ 1:13am EDT

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