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Review #4835299
Viewing a review of:
 Intergalactic Eating Competition (WIP) Open in new Window. [13+]
Matt and Brian try to break into the IEC, but things don't quite go as planned.
by Bigman Author Icon
Review by Jayne Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Free Folk  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
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This is an interesting draft. I like how it combines a pulpy sci-fi setup with a very specific fetish angle, and what works best is how you’ve balanced carrying the tone of both. The worldbuilding in the lab scene feels like a comic-book style sci-fi introduction, which actually makes the sudden shift into over-the-top eating spectacle more intense.

The diner scene, with the detailed physical description and crowd reactions, serves the fetish aspect really well but also builds your characters effectively. Too often one of these aspects is sacrificed at the expense of the other, but you’ve done well to keep it balanced.

As a work in progress, it’s understandably not all that polished. It definitely has typos, but those are easily fixed. The prologue is exposition-heavy and could be trimmed so the story gets to the competition itself faster. The same is true for the alien lore (although that could be more “note keeping” on your part). Right now, the entirety of the worldbuilding is overshadowing the fetish-focused content, but trimming it up during revisions will smooth it all out.

It’s an unusual piece that is typically outside my regular reading material. I like that you were committed to the story rather than just the fetish, so I thought I’d give it a shot. I think it has potential if it fully embraces its pulp-fetish hybrid style and goes through a few revisions (which I know you know—you labeled it a WIP *Smile*). Overall, I think you’ve done a great job in the genre.

Jayne Author Icon*Smile*

My approach to reviews: "I'll Explain, but not Disclaim" Open in new Window.



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