| Midnight Cold Calling A vampire gets cold called. Word Count: 507 |
| This reads like a charming little paranormal domestic moment: Like most people at some point in their lives, the main character got disturbed by a door-to-door salesman. Only the customer wasn’t just anyone, and the salesman didn’t just sell double glazing. The readers still got the feeling that Joseph got conned though, as is often the case in these situations. But he did need a new casket, and the additional gift for his husband also seemed like a nice idea. Interestingly, it seemed that he wasn’t well off, so he struggled to afford the purchase, but that seemed to be the only downside. The story felt finished in a surface sense (it closed cleanly with Joseph returning to what he was doing), but there was an unfinished or unresolved undercurrent that left the readers expecting something more. Structurally, it ended like a slice-of-life vignette: the conflict (the salesman interrupting Joseph’s night) was introduced and resolved neatly. There was a rhythm of interaction, a small decision (buying the casket and the collar), and a closing beat when Joseph returned to his evening. However, emotionally and narratively, it didn’t feel like there was an ending. The number “#673” read like a planted clue or setup for something ominous, bureaucratic, or supernatural that never paid off. It implied significance, but the story ended before that significance became clear, and it gave me the impression that you might have intended a follow-up or twist that never came. Without that, the story read like an unfinished sketch or the first scene of something larger. I would suggest either explaining the number or, if it is not important, omitting it. Without it, you have a perfectly rounded story; with it, you invite the readers to ask questions to which they can't get an answer. This story had a lot of charm and personality, blending humour with the supernatural in a way that feels natural and entertaining. The premise is simple but engaging, and the interaction between Joseph and the salesman was oddly relatable, despite the paranormal setting. The writing captured that “slice of immortal life” tone nicely, but the unresolved element of the #673 left readers hanging a little, as though the punchline or twist was withheld. Clarifying or cutting that reference would give the piece a stronger sense of completion. Overall, it was a clever and enjoyable vignette that just needs a touch more resolution to feel fully satisfying.
|
|||