%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4841477 |
 | ruwth is writing...  [18+] I will be adding stories & reflections as time marches on. Take a gander today!  |
| (4.5)| Hello ruwth General Impressions A short and to the point narrative of the day when your little brother was born and the years after that. The text moves quickly from the day of Robaire's birth all the way to the now time. One thing that would give this more emotion would be to have a couple of sentences describing a time from your childhood when you and Robaire got along and played. Or as adults when you got along. That would make the estrangement stand out more. The way it reads right now is almost sterile and from a point of view of not having much to do with one another. Things of note in the text The link back to another one of your pieces is a little bit of a double edge sword. While it could lead a reader to follow the link and read that, it's also kind of a detractor and foreshadowing of more of the same. That one piece is never fully understood without going to the other one for more details. It's not wrong to link to additional writing that pertains to the piece at hand, but maybe add a one sentence synopsis and then offer your readers to follow the link if they want to have a more detailed version of the events. "The last time I saw my brother" isn't much of a draw since you are estranged, so as a reader I don't feel like spending time with him as he is the villain to your good gal.  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Annette 
You responded to this review 10/30/2025 @ 11:21am EDT