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 Review #4841816 |
 | The Humming Line  [E] The Line keeps London in harmony, until one man hears the song of his own heart.  |
| (4.5)  First Impressions: This was a great story. You managed to establish an atmosphere that was both oppressive and beautiful with a writing style that reminded me a little of late Victorian prose. The world building was excellent, and you didn’t over-explained The Line, which made it even more unsettling. Its aim was to eradicate individuality for the sake of efficiency, but every so often, there was a glitch, and one of the people who was connected to The Line could hear a faint hum, or their own heartbeat. It awoke feelings they couldn’t quite put their finger on, something they had forgotten that was trying to force its way back to their consciousness. Organic and irregular, this ‘hum’ was the total opposite of the sterile regularity of The Line, and it was quickly suppressed and order restored. The last paragraph brought the story full circle. Part of me had hoped that Thomas hearing the hum would lead to a revolution of some description, that he would remember who he was and somehow change his and perhaps even everyone else’s fate. Your ending was better though, albeit devastating.  Suggestions: The story was beautifully written, but I noticed a few sentences that had some minor issues: None could say precisely when The Line had been installed, some say it had always been there. This is a comma splice - you have joined two independent clauses with a comma. I would suggest replacing the comma with a semicolon. Thomas Reed, a man who was numbered among its countless beneficiaries. This is a fragment; the sentence is missing the main verb. Maybe something like this would work: “Thomas Reed was a man…” At six each morning he affixed to the base of his skull the slender port of The Line; and by seven he was entirely at peace. I think this would work better if you replaced the semicolon with a comma. However, upon one remarkable Tuesday that a strange difficulty began. There seemed to be a couple of words missing. “However, it was upon one…”, maybe? Swelling, and filling his thoughts like a secret melody. This is another fragment. I would suggest joining it to the previous sentence with a comma. Nothing that cannot be tuned" You missed the period at the end of that sentence. Its factories breathing in measured rhythm, its citizens gliding through their appointed duties. This is a fragment and I would suggest attaching it to the previous sentence with a comma.  Final Thoughts: It was a quiet story that evoked sympathy and dread, but it didn’t shout its message; in fact, part of its strength was its restraint. I couldn’t help thinking that The Line might be a nod to being “online.” It fed people instructions and kept them calm, much like the internet does for us now. Everyone’s constantly connected, pacified, and guided by it, until Thomas briefly tunes back into something real, his own heartbeat. It’s a small, powerful moment that feels like stepping offline and remembering what it means to actually be human.
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