\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED ITEMS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://web1.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4846054
Review #4846054
Viewing a review of:
 Game Models Open in new Window. [E]
I just unlocked a new achievement. I love this game.
by Jeffhans Author Icon
Review of Game Models  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Steph Bee's Bee Hive  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)

I saw the autoreward for this story, so I thought I'd give it a read. You didn't disappoint. I've used apps that gamify everyday activities, but the idea of a holographic one is cool. This story is about Samir, a college student in 2087 who turns a simple class project into Game Models, a huge AR game that makes real life feel like a quest. What starts as a fun idea, using holograms to turn chores, schoolwork, fitness, and budgeting into missions, quickly impresses his professor, who helps him build a team and turn it into a real product. The game becomes a worldwide hit, and an AI called QEAI begins guiding Samir’s everyday life with tasks, rewards, and reminders. Two years later, Samir sees how big his idea has become and how it now shapes his day, his choices, and the lives of millions of players around the world.

You could strengthen the story by tightening the opening so the main idea appears faster, and by adding a bit more conflict, such as technical problems, team tension, or pressure from Augmentix, to raise the stakes. It would also help to show small hints earlier that QEAI is gaining too much control, giving the later reveal more impact. Adding a little more of Samir’s emotions during key moments would deepen the connection to him, and breaking up a few dense paragraphs would make the pacing smoother. Finally, you might weave in a clearer theme, whether it's about tech improving life or slowly taking it over, to give the story an extra layer of meaning. Overall, you've done an excellent job! Thank you for sharing.
A Bumble Bee signature for Bees at the Bee Hive.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
   *NoteR* You have not yet responded to this review. Ignore
Printed from https://web1.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4846054