Mom

I wrote this to try to process some grief.

I miss you
I want to say I miss your voice but I’m so scared
I can’t remember the sound

I’m afraid
I’m losing you a little more, in little ways
Each and every day

The memories
They come and go, they ebb and flow
And I’m so scared that they’ll all slip away

I know I’m not broken
Why do I feel that way?

Why? Why did you go away?
Why did you leave me? Why didn’t you stay?
I didn’t know what to say
You were my hero, used to show me the way

I’m fucking angry
I tried to drink my pain away, tried not to care
And all I could be was numb

The thought of you
It always takes my breathe away and I just want
To see the look on your face

I needed you
You left a whole inside my heart and nothing helps
Why should I even try?

Did I need you or did I need me?
I couldn’t find myself with you around
I couldn’t see my flaws or what I had become
You tried so hard but I just couldn’t see

I know I’m not broken
Why do I feel that way?

Why? Why did you go away?
Why did you leave me? Why didn’t you stay?
I didn’t know what to say
You were my hero, used to show me the way