Dramatic and Poetic

Wednesday, June 25th, Mechelen

Dramatic and Poetic



I miss you a lot. You make me feel safe. What is likable about me? (Asking for a friend…)

However, I am quite scared I completely pushed you away by being a lot and with all my shit going on. I don’t want to bring my negativity onto you. I don’t want to make you feel bad.

I am actually driving myself crazy by being so…much. I need someone to hold me tight and kiss me tenderly and tell me to shut up and calm the fuck down.

But I cannot ask that of anyone. I need to be strong and do this alone. I should not depend on anyone and prove to myself, but mostly those who oppose me, that I can, in fact, carry this weight on my own.

I am scared I’m going absolutely bonkers. Slowly, I am reaching my limits, and secretly, quietly, I am dreaming of a prince on a white horse to pick me up from the floor and carry me to shore.

Truth is: I am not doing okay. I feel so bad. I am so tired. My tears won’t stop, and I am afraid I will cause flooding, here, in this city that has been my base, barely a ‘home’, for the past month.
I am longing for physical pain to drown out the mental war that is happening in my head. If I can’t do it myself, I believe you can. Give me pain, give me relief. I want you to teach me how to breathe again.

So here I am: I will let my heart speak. I think I do need someone. To catch me. To hold me, and kiss me, and tell me to shut up for just this once.

I feel as if I am about to break down, and I am scared. I am so incredibly scared.