This Is Where I Rot - 23.09.2025

These are the bits of me I don’t say out loud. Some of them make no sense. Also TW

Hello, it's Echo here, get a cup of coffee/tea, and enjoy, or don't. It;s up to you.

So what the hell happeened today? Uhm... Just the usual of my stomach trying to kill me. Since I woke up it was just a rollercoaster ride of a day. Like since I woku up my stomach was just sitting and chilling upside down in my torso. Fuck that skinny bitch, amirite? So anyways, morning time; the usual reporting to my boss before commuting to work. I also forgot to do something important for work in the morning, since I overlsept. FML. I planned to do it, but fuck I forgot... ✨I did not plan this✨ and I am mad at myself as fuck.

So anyways, even though people told me I lost some wight, but in the mirror I just see myself with the head of a pig. Just the usual. Already texting with the guy I am crushing over about work gossip. Like who is fucking around with who, and who got a promotion that is just a straight up lazy ass hoe. Fuck them. I am not saying I would deserve that promotion, but like, fuck them.

So anyways, I get to work, do my silly little "Hello everyone how are you all", fake a smile and go to do my daily tasks. Then a supervisor just text into the groupchat, that the guy I am crushing over, has a couple of things that their department no longer needs, and if there is anyone that needs it. Guess who just said they immediately needs something. Your bitch, Echo. Yea I dont need that shit, I just wanted to randomly see him.

Echo just goes over to the Crush, we talk and shit, then he hands me a cup of coffee so we go have a ciggi. FML, I know I can't handle coffee but I chugged it, instead of saying, hey sorry I can't have this but you are so kind. Hell to the fuck to the no. C'mon stomach, let's get sickening. After just the first sip my stomach immediately turns into a full-fledged fucking war zone. I did not plan to get sick over one fucking sip of coffee, but here we fucking goooo.

So we sit in the company garden, chit chat and all, fucking co-workers randomly joining in on the convo *khmm... fuckers*, and we have a kinda great time. Trying to hide the fact that I am about to jet vomit all over him. Hm, romantic isn't it. So anyways, we smoke and "enjoy" our coffee and we randomly just agree to grab lunch someday. Fuck is this the time something may happen when I drive around with him in my car around town? So I agree and he smiles. Fuck his smile is soooooo fucking beautiful.... Why the fuck am I falling for him. I broke up a focking month ago. Am I whore? No that can't be I am too ugly for that. Is he falling for me? that can't be, can it? Like we did hook up once, but that means nothing, or mazbe it does.

Like he is not Brad Pitt, but fuck he looks good. Gosh, I am a whore, for sure. Did my last relationship means nothing to me? Fuck me I guess. Also he is for sure not falling for me. There are several hot dudes at work, like muscles and all, the full package and he did look at them while we were talking. Oh shit how much I just wanted to kiss him right then and there. Maybe also something else. Yes Echo, you are a whore

Like what if we go out and can't control myself, like I go in for the kill. What if he gets mad? What if he just leaves? But on the other side, what if he doesn't and enjoys it. Yea that won't happen he will just get angry at me and leave. YAYY me, let's get even lonelier.

So anyways, I leave from the coffee cigi meet-up and just throw the fuck up. Yay mee, let's go you fucking oversensitive stomach. Sometimes I wish I was healthy again, but all the supressed stress and all that jazz fucked up my GI tract. Yay me. Oh gosh I fucking hate myself for that, but at this point I am just laughing.

Instead of facing my problems when I was young and actually working through them, I chose alcohol and partying. YAY ME. Shameless London Tipton reference. Like I didn't drink a lot lot, but a bottle of wine was standard for soooo many days, I can't even count. Or a whole bottle of vodka. Like If I wanted to be cute drunk I drank wine, if I wanted to be shitfaced I woeuld do vodka. If I wanted to have a factory reset I would drank them both, like chase vodka with wine.

But you know what is funny, sometimes I would not get drunk from that. DW, since I have stomach problems, I almost entirely cut out alcohol since I would be a hunderd times worse. I am trying to be positive my stomach will get better, maybe it will maybe not, but it sucks...

So now I am home. Mind racing, what to do on this hang out with him. Do I risk the kiss? If he does not get mad, go further and just recline the car seat? I just want someone to kiss me, hug me, or even just touch me, like it is unbelievable. I keep throwing up from the stress it is causing me. Fuck. My. Life.

Should I just open Grindr and let my guts be rearranged? Nah, not that big of a whore yet, and just a random hook-up would not fill the void. I just would like that guy next to me in bed in front of the TV. Cuddles and shit, but here I am, rotting in front of my PC stressing out over just a fucking subway sandwich with him.

Well, I did not plan this but here we fucking go....